Allen… Beck Bennett
Cecily Strong
Aidy Bryant
Alex Moffat
Greg… Idris Elba
Mikey Day
[Starts with four friends sitting in a bar]Allen: Hey, here’s to another year of following our dreams. I mean, look, guys we’re really doing it, acting in LA.
Cecily Strong: You mean auditioning.
[Everyone laughs] [Cut to Allen and Aidy]Allen: Well, you know, I don’t mind auditioning, I see them as little performances. I’m not there to get a part, I’m there to act.
Aidy Bryant: Wow, can I use that?
Allen: Yeah, whatever helps. We’re on this together. [Cut to everybody] Hey, this next round’s on me. I shall return. [Allen leaves to get drinks]
Alex Moffat: Oh hey, look, there’s Greg. Hey Greg.
[Greg walks in the bar and joins]Greg: Hey guys, man, I got some good news. I’m just going to say it. I booked it. I on the second lead on the new ‘CSI’, ‘CSI: Memphis’.
[Cut to Alex and Cecily]Alex Moffat: No way man! You got the part?
Cecily Strong: Greg, that’s amazing.
[Cut to everyone]Alex Moffat: You’re perfect for it.
Aidy Bryant: Yeah, congrats, Greg.
[Allen comes back with drinks]Allen: Here we go. Greg, what’s up man?
Greg: Really good, man. I was just actually telling the gang that I got the ‘CSI’ gig.
[Cut to Allen and Greg]Allen: What? Dude. That’s amazing. No way. No. No. Oh. I love that! Yeah. [Cut to Alen] Yeah. Congrats, man. Second lead, right?
[Cut to Allen and Greg]Greg: Yeah, yeah, the second lead, man.
Allen: Oh! Yes, yes, yes. On second lead on CSI. That’s awesome, man. [Cut to everybody] Look at you, everything’s clicking. You should be happy. I am! What are they paying you? Like $30,000 an episode?
Greg: Oh, actually, it’s like $80,000.
[Cut to Allen]Allen: What the hell is that? Yes, $80,000 an EP, $80,000 an EP! Such great, dude. You making money, makes me feel happy. [Cut to Allen and Greg] My prayers are answered. I’m loving it.
[Cut to everybody]Aidy Bryant: Allen, are you okay?
Alex Moffat: Yeah, you’re kind of freaking out right now?
[Cut to Allen and Greg]Allen: What? No, I’m good dude. Just pumped for my friend Greg. Excuse! Got to go outside.
Greg: Did I say something wrong, man? I feel like Allen’s upset.
Cecily Strong: No, I think he just can’t handle his excitement.
[Allen is shouting outside the window]Allen: No! It should have been me!
Greg: I don’t know, I think he might be a bit jealous.
Cecily Strong: No, Allen’s not like that.
Allen: Somebody love me!
Alex Moffat: Greg, we’re all happy for you, including Allen.
[Allen comes back to the bar]Allen: Hey, I’m back in the building. What are we talking about? [Cut to Allen and Greg] Still Greg’s thing? That’s awesome.
Greg: Oh, thanks Allen, man. But I know your big break is coming real soon. Man, you got so much to offer, right, especially with Karate thing and everything.
[Cut to everybody]Aidy Bryant: Yeah, yeah. Didn’t you come out here to be a Karate actor?
Allen: Yes, I want to be the next Jackie Chan. The Karate forward performer.
[Cut to Alex and Cecily]Alex Moffat: Well, I mean, I’d like to see that.
Aidy Bryant: Yeah, me too. [Cut to everybody] Show us some Karate.
Allen: Come on guys, it’s Greg’s big day. I don’t want to steal his thunder.
Greg: Come on Allen, [Cut to Allen and Greg] nothing would make me happier than to see you do some Karate right now.
Cecily Strong: Come on Greg, do it.
[Cut to everybody. Allen starts showing his karate skills. It’s horrible.]Mikey Day: Guys, check it out. This guy’s doing really cool Karate. [Other people come to watch Allen]
Allen: I don’t know. Something like that.
[Everyone claps]