Surprise Home Makeover


Becker Sheek… Kenan Thompson

Jacqueline Shat… Jennifer Lopez

Matt Shat… Mikey Day

Carpenter Steve… Beck Bennett

Designer Riley… Bowen Yang

[Starts with Surprise Home Makeover intro]

Announcer: HGTV’s Surprise Home Makeover, holiday edition. Ho, ho, yay!

[Cut to the show host]

Becker Sheek: Hey there, Becker Sheek here. Outside the home of Matt and Jacqueline Shats, a husband and wife who entered and won a surprise home makeover. Let’s go surprise them.

[Becker Sheek knocks the door] [The door opens] [Matt and Jacqueline Shats walks out]

Jacqueline Shat: Oh, my god, you’re Becker Sheek.

Becker Sheer: That’s right. In the flesh! I’m looking for Matt and Jacqueline because they’ve just won a home makeover.

Jacqueline Shat: What? Oh, my god! That’s me! I’m Jacqueline. Is your husband home?

Matt Shat: Yes.

Becker Sheer: Could you go get him, sir?

Jacqueline Shat: This is him. This is my husband.

Matt Shat: Hi, I’m Matt. Such a big fan, man.

Becker Sheer: This man is the man that you are married to?

Jacqueline Shat: Yes. I cannot believe that we won. My mind is blown right now.

Becker Sheer: Yes, that makes two of us. Just so I’m clear, you two are married.

Jacqueline Shat: Last time I checked.

Becker Sheer: Would you check again?

Jacqueline Shat: When I asked you to marry me, you said yes, right?

[Matt Shat giggles]

Becker Sheer: You asked him?

Matt Shat: Yes. And on the third time I finally said yes.

Becker Sheer: Third time? You know what, lets just go inside. How about we go inside. Come on folks.

[They all walk in the house]

Matt Shat: Oh my god.

Jacqueline Shat: This is crazy.

Matt Shat: I cannot believe this is happening to me. Like, I never get lucky like this.

Becker Sheer: Alright. I would say you get very lucky.

Jacqueline Shat: Oh, sorry about the mess. We weren’t expecting company Matt’s smurf stuff is everywhere.

Becker Sheer: He’s into smurfs! I’m sorry.

Matt Shat: I smurfing love them!

Becker Sheer: “Surprise home makeover.” Living up to it’s name today. Joining is now via satellite. From our workshop in Texas is one of our elves.

[Carpenter Steve appears on a small box at left bottom corner.] Carpenter Steve: Hey, Matt and Jacqueline.

Matt Shat: Carpernter Steve!

Jacqueline Shat: Oh, my god! We love Carpenter Steve! Hi!

Becker Sheer: Alright, Steve, tell us what you have planned for their renovation.

[Cut to Carpenter Steve]

Carpenter Steve: Well, Becker, I think accessibility is they key. We need to make it safe and easy for Jacqueline to get around the house since she’s visually impaired.

[Cut to the Shats and Carpenter Steve in split screens]

Jacqueline Shat: I’m not blind, Carpenter Steve.

Carpenter Steve: Oh, no? So what is it then? A green card thing?

Jacqueline Shat: Green card? No, no, we were both born here.

Matt Shat: Yes, you’re looking at two plain old born Americans.

Carpenter Steve: I just see one.

Carpenter Steve: What’s that?

[Becker Sheer interferes]

Becker Sheer: Okay. Why don’t we check back in with carpenter Steve a little later. Let’s talk about the biggest problem with your current house, storage.

Jacqueline Shat: Yes, we have no closet space. Matt, show them where you have to keep your roller blades.

Matt Shat: Oh, yeah! I have to keep my sports stuff here.

[Matt Shat tries to reach his roller blade on the top of the shelf. His tattoo on his lower back is showing.]

Becker Sheer: Okay, wait a minute. Oh, my god! America, Matt Shat has a “SMURF LIFE” tramp stamp. Oh, my god. It’s a full Smurf. What is wrong with you, man?

Matt Shat: I konw, I know. I’m embarrassed. I should have got papa smurf.

Becker Sheer: If I may ask, what do you do for living Jacqueline?

Jacqueline Shat: I do what Amalclooney does.

Becker Sheer: Oh, so human rights lawyer. And you, Matt?

Matt Shat: Um, right now, I have a lot of irons in the fire–

Becker Sheer: So, unemployed?

Matt Shat: Yes.

Becker Sheer: Yes, okay. If you’re just tuning in, I’m here with makeover winners Jacqueline, a human rights lawyer, bronze goddess and her husband by choice, Matt Shat, an unemployed smurf man.

Jacqueline Shat: I still can’t believe we won.

Matt Shat: It’s smurfing crazy!

Becker Sheer: Well, Shats, somebody special would like to say hello. Everyone’s favorite interior decorator, designer Riley!

[Designer Riley walks in with a reindeer nose]

Designer Riley: Hey, gang, how is it glowing?

Jacqueline Shat: Oh, my god! Designer Riley in my house right now.

Becker Sheer: Designer Riley, you’ve seen the Shat’s contest submission and I know you’ve got some ideas.

Designer Riley: We’ve got a real fixer upper on our hands here but I think we start with a different hair cut for sure.

Becker Sheer: Sorry, Riley, I meant the house.

Designer Riley: Oh, open concept, shiplap, the same stuff we always do.

Jacqueline Shat: Open concept. Kind of like our marriage.

Matt Shat: Oh, my god. Baby, come on! That’s private.

Becker Sheer: That’s it! That’s why you two are together. He lets you step out.

Jacqueline Shat: Me? Oh, no, never. But he’s got needs that I can’t always meet, you know? You can’t keep a stallion in the stable.

Designer Riley: I’m sorry. I have to do this. [Designer Riley feels Matt Shat’s penis] Nope, he’s totally average. Average?

Becker Sheer: Average? It’s average! Oh, no! I think I smell burnt toast, I think I might be having – a damn sure smurf. Sorry. We’ll be right back. What is wrong with you?

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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