The Impossible Hulk | Season 44 Episode 15

Dr. Bruce Banner… Idris Elba

Melissa Villaseñor

Security… Kenan Thompson

Impossible Hulk… Cecily Strong

Policeman… Mikey Day

[Starts with Dr. Bruce Banner in a shop. He finds a shirt at 50% off.]

Melissa Villaseñor: And your total was $208.45.

Dr. Bruce Banner: Sorry, did you say 208?

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: And 45 cents, yes.

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: The sign said it was half off.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: Not this shirt. Just the stuff in that section.

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Oh, it was in that section.

Melissa Villaseñor: Oh, then that was a mistake. [Cut to Melissa Villaseñor] Somebody must have moved it.

Dr. Bruce Banner: Well, [Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner] I guess I’ll just get my money back.

Melissa Villaseñor: I’m sorry sir, we only offer [Cut to Melissa Villaseñor] store credit. It’s store policy.

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Oh, come on. That’s [Bleep].

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: Sir, I’m going to ask you to calm down and lower your voice.

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Lower my voice. You’re trying to rip me off and I’m getting upset.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: Okay, security.

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: And you won’t like me when I’m upset.

[Cut to Security walks in]

Security: What’s the problem here? [Dr. Bruce Banner starts shivering] What the hell?

Impossible Hulk: Let go of me.

Security: Ain’t nobody even toughing you.

Impossible Hulk: I want my money back right now.

Narrator: While working at his lab located above a Torrey Birch, Dr. Bruce Banner was hit with gamma radiation in a failed experiment causing him to transform into an embolded white lady whenever he is provoked. He is the Impossible Hulk.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: I told you sir, the store policy is–

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: No, you’re being aggressive. I’m calling the police.

[Cut to Security]

Security: For what?

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

911: 911, what’s your emergency.

Impossible Hulk: Yes, hello, yes. I’d like to report an active aggression.

[Cut to Security and Impossible Hulk]

Security: We are literally just standing here.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: Now they are crowding me, I can’t breathe.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: Sir, just take your money back. It’s fine.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: No, do not rest me; do not try to silence me.

[Cut to Security]

Security: Oh, man. This dude is impossible.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk, she struggles and turns back to Dr. Bruce Banner.]

Dr. Bruce Banner: What just happened?

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner walking in a hallway and then knocks on a door]

Ego Nwodim: What?

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Can you please turn the music down? I’m trying to sleep.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: You are forever complaining. Why don’t you just move?

Dr. Bruce Banner: Look, I don’t want to argue. [Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner] I’m asking you to turn the music down or else.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim. Chris Redd joins Ego Nwodim.]

Chris Redd: Or else what couz?

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Or else I’m going to get upset.

[Cut to Chris Redd and Ego Nwodim.]

Chris Redd: Get upset then. What’s up?

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner shivering. He turns into the Impossible Hulk.]

Impossible Hulk: Let go of my arm.

[Cut to Chris Redd and Ego Nwodim.]

Chris Redd: Ain’t nobody touching your arm.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: What’s your name? And everybody’s name in there.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: Okay, dude. Calm down.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: I need your manager now.

[Cut to Chris Redd]

Chris Redd: This is an apartment.

Ego Nwodim: Calm down.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: You will not get away with this.

911: 911, what’s your emergency?

Impossible Hulk: Yes, I’m being aggressed right now.

[Cut to Chris Redd and Ego Nwodim]

Chris Redd: Aggressed? What is that?

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: I’m shaking and I’m in a lot of fear.

Ego Nwodim: Mr. Banner, [Cut to Ego Nwodim] we’ll turn the music down for real. It’s not a problem.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: Keep laughing. Keep laughing. You’re going to be in a lot—[She struggles and then turns back into Dr. Bruce Banner]

Chris Redd: Hey, you okay, bro?

Dr. Bruce Banner: I’m fine, I think I need a froyo.

Chris Redd: A froyo?

Narrator: Next time on the Impossible Hulk—

[Dr. Bruce Banner gets pulled over by a police]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Damn it!

Policeman: Yo, yo, yo, my man. Do you know why I’m stopping you?

Impossible Hulk: Because you’re an aggressive [Bleep] I’m filming you.

Policeman: FP drive safe.

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