Dr. Bruce Banner… Idris Elba
Melissa Villaseñor
Security… Kenan Thompson
Impossible Hulk… Cecily Strong
Policeman… Mikey Day
[Starts with Dr. Bruce Banner in a shop. He finds a shirt at 50% off.]Melissa Villaseñor: And your total was $208.45.
Dr. Bruce Banner: Sorry, did you say 208?
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]Melissa Villaseñor: And 45 cents, yes.
[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]Dr. Bruce Banner: The sign said it was half off.
Melissa Villaseñor: Not this shirt. Just the stuff in that section.
[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]Dr. Bruce Banner: Oh, it was in that section.
Melissa Villaseñor: Oh, then that was a mistake. [Cut to Melissa Villaseñor] Somebody must have moved it.
Dr. Bruce Banner: Well, [Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner] I guess I’ll just get my money back.
Melissa Villaseñor: I’m sorry sir, we only offer [Cut to Melissa Villaseñor] store credit. It’s store policy.
[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]Dr. Bruce Banner: Oh, come on. That’s [Bleep].
Melissa Villaseñor: Sir, I’m going to ask you to calm down and lower your voice.
[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]Dr. Bruce Banner: Lower my voice. You’re trying to rip me off and I’m getting upset.
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]Melissa Villaseñor: Okay, security.
[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]Dr. Bruce Banner: And you won’t like me when I’m upset.
[Cut to Security walks in]Security: What’s the problem here? [Dr. Bruce Banner starts shivering] What the hell?
Impossible Hulk: Let go of me.
Security: Ain’t nobody even toughing you.
Impossible Hulk: I want my money back right now.
Narrator: While working at his lab located above a Torrey Birch, Dr. Bruce Banner was hit with gamma radiation in a failed experiment causing him to transform into an embolded white lady whenever he is provoked. He is the Impossible Hulk.
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]Melissa Villaseñor: I told you sir, the store policy is–
[Cut to Impossible Hulk]Impossible Hulk: No, you’re being aggressive. I’m calling the police.
Security: For what?
[Cut to Impossible Hulk]911: 911, what’s your emergency.
Impossible Hulk: Yes, hello, yes. I’d like to report an active aggression.
[Cut to Security and Impossible Hulk]Security: We are literally just standing here.
[Cut to Impossible Hulk]Impossible Hulk: Now they are crowding me, I can’t breathe.
Melissa Villaseñor: Sir, just take your money back. It’s fine.
[Cut to Impossible Hulk]Impossible Hulk: No, do not rest me; do not try to silence me.
[Cut to Security]Security: Oh, man. This dude is impossible.
[Cut to Impossible Hulk, she struggles and turns back to Dr. Bruce Banner.]Dr. Bruce Banner: What just happened?
[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner walking in a hallway and then knocks on a door]Ego Nwodim: What?
Dr. Bruce Banner: Can you please turn the music down? I’m trying to sleep.
[Cut to Ego Nwodim]Ego Nwodim: You are forever complaining. Why don’t you just move?
Dr. Bruce Banner: Look, I don’t want to argue. [Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner] I’m asking you to turn the music down or else.
[Cut to Ego Nwodim. Chris Redd joins Ego Nwodim.]Chris Redd: Or else what couz?
[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]Dr. Bruce Banner: Or else I’m going to get upset.
[Cut to Chris Redd and Ego Nwodim.]Chris Redd: Get upset then. What’s up?
[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner shivering. He turns into the Impossible Hulk.]Impossible Hulk: Let go of my arm.
[Cut to Chris Redd and Ego Nwodim.]Chris Redd: Ain’t nobody touching your arm.
[Cut to Impossible Hulk]Impossible Hulk: What’s your name? And everybody’s name in there.
[Cut to Ego Nwodim]Ego Nwodim: Okay, dude. Calm down.
[Cut to Impossible Hulk]Impossible Hulk: I need your manager now.
[Cut to Chris Redd]Chris Redd: This is an apartment.
Ego Nwodim: Calm down.
[Cut to Impossible Hulk]Impossible Hulk: You will not get away with this.
911: 911, what’s your emergency?
Impossible Hulk: Yes, I’m being aggressed right now.
[Cut to Chris Redd and Ego Nwodim]Chris Redd: Aggressed? What is that?
[Cut to Impossible Hulk]Impossible Hulk: I’m shaking and I’m in a lot of fear.
Ego Nwodim: Mr. Banner, [Cut to Ego Nwodim] we’ll turn the music down for real. It’s not a problem.
[Cut to Impossible Hulk]Impossible Hulk: Keep laughing. Keep laughing. You’re going to be in a lot—[She struggles and then turns back into Dr. Bruce Banner]
Chris Redd: Hey, you okay, bro?
Dr. Bruce Banner: I’m fine, I think I need a froyo.
Chris Redd: A froyo?
Narrator: Next time on the Impossible Hulk—
[Dr. Bruce Banner gets pulled over by a police]Dr. Bruce Banner: Damn it!
Policeman: Yo, yo, yo, my man. Do you know why I’m stopping you?
Impossible Hulk: Because you’re an aggressive [Bleep] I’m filming you.
Policeman: FP drive safe.
