Mrs. Maisel… Rachel Brosnahan
Rita May Johnson… Leslie Jones
Announcer… Mikey Day
Aidy Bryant
Mr. William Cosby… Kenan Thompson
[Starts with the door of Gaslight Café]Mrs. Maisel: First, we’re downtown now, [Cut to Mrs. Maisel. She is on the stage of a standup comedy show] so if you have underwear on, you are overdressed.
Narrator: If you liked The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel–
Mrs. Maisel: Have you heard a saying ‘walk a mile in a man’s shoes?’ Well, I put on a pair of my husband’s shoes and my god, were they comfortable. I get why men rule the world. No high heels. Well, that’s my time. I’m Mrs. Maisel. Thank you and good night.
[Cut to Mrs. Maisel walking towards the bar]Narrator: Then get ready for a whole new perspective.
Rita May Johnson: Mrs. Maisel, that was so inspiring to see a woman go on stage and do stand up.
Mrs. Maisel: Who knows, maybe someday you will be up there. [Drinking her martini]
Rita May Johnson: No. Not me, What would I even talk about?
Mrs. Maisel: Just be honest and say what’s on your mind. In fact, what about doing a set tonight?
Rita May Johnson: Tonight?
[Cut to the announcer on the stage]Announcer: Coming up next, we got—this can’t be right. She sweeps the floors here. Rita May Johnson.
[Cut to the audience clapping] [Cut to Rita May Johnson walking up to the stage][She walks to the mic]Rita May Johnson: Hi.
Mrs. Maisel: Remember, [Cut to Mrs. Meisel between the audience] just say what’s on your mind.
[Cut to Rita May Johnson feeling nervous on the stage]Rita May Johnson: Now is it just me, [Cut to the audience listening patiently] or– does this bitch look like she has never sucked a—[Bleep].
[Cut to Mrs. Maisel surprised] [Cut to audience, silence at first, then burst laughing] [Cut to Rita May Johnson]Rita May Johnson: —[Bleep].
Narrator: It’s the Rauchiest Miss Rita. [Cut to video clip of the audience in the bar] A show that is a little less stylized and a little more in your face.
[Cut to Rita May Johnson]Rita May Johnson: I went to this lady’s house and I opened the drawer, 100 dildos! [everybody laughing] You know what I told her? You only got 99 now, because a bitch need one. [everybody laughing] [Cut to audience laughing] [Cut to Rita may Johnson] You Mother–[Bleep] [Cut to Mrs. Maisel and the announcer]
Mrs. Maisel: How long has she been on for?
Announcer: An hour and half.
Rita May Johnson: Is that the light? [Cut to Rita May Johnson] I ain’t never [Bleep] leaving.
[Cut to the scene of closing the bar]Aidy: I gotta say that Rita’s got something.
Mrs. Maisel: You think so? What if she starts competing with me?
[Cut to Rita May Johnson]Rita May Johnson: [Bleep][Bleep][Bleep] [Cut to Aidy and Mrs. Maisel]
Aidy: Somehow, I don’t think there is much overlap. [Aidy leaves]
Mrs. Maisel: Also, what’s with the hat? Are you a Newzie?
[Cut to Rita May Johnson. She is smoking on the stage]Narrator: With an even more exasperated, Tony Shalhoub.
Papa: This just isn’t how it’s done, Midge.
Mrs. Maisel: Papa, I’m good at this.
Papa: No, she is good at this.
[Papa points at Rita May Johnson on stage]Rita May Johnson: This dude knows what I’m talking about, ain’t that right. Mother–[Blee] [Papa is clapping out of laughter]
Narrator: Watch how Midge takes Rita under her wing.
[Cut to Rita May Johnson and Mrs. Maisel are talking, sitting on the booth of the bar]Mrs. Maisel: Now, if you’re talking about core subjects, you may want to speak about them euphemistically.
Rita May Johnson: Okay. Okay. I got it.
[Cut to Rita May Johnson on stage]Now we [Bleep] my ass. At least turn on the TV so I have something to watch.[Audience laughing] [Cut to Rita May Johnson and Mrs. Maisel]
Mrs. Maisel: Oh, and you want to make sure to get the audience on your side.
Rita May Johnson: Right.
[Cut to Rita May Johnson on stage]I bet your [Bleep] is so small – you [Bleep] on your nuts. [Audience laughing] She knows what I’m talking about.
[Cut to Mrs. Maisel laughing with the audience]Narrator: From the creator of Gilmore Girls and some producers from Def Comedy Jam. The Raunchiest Miss Rita.
Announcer: Rita May Johnson folks. This next comic is a lot more clean cut and wholesome. Welcome Mr. William Cosby.
[Mr. William Cosby walks on the stage]Mr. William Cosby: Thank you.
