The Raunchiest Miss Rita | Season 44 Episode 10


Mrs. Maisel… Rachel Brosnahan

Rita May Johnson… Leslie Jones

Announcer… Mikey Day

Aidy Bryant

Mr. William Cosby… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with the door of Gaslight Café]

Mrs. Maisel: First, we’re downtown now, [Cut to Mrs. Maisel. She is on the stage of a standup comedy show] so if you have underwear on, you are overdressed.

Narrator: If you liked The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel–

Mrs. Maisel: Have you heard a saying ‘walk a mile in a man’s shoes?’ Well, I put on a pair of my husband’s shoes and my god, were they comfortable. I get why men rule the world. No high heels. Well, that’s my time. I’m Mrs. Maisel. Thank you and good night.

[Cut to Mrs. Maisel walking towards the bar]

Narrator: Then get ready for a whole new perspective.

[Rita May Johnson walks up to Mrs. Maisel]

Rita May Johnson: Mrs. Maisel, that was so inspiring to see a woman go on stage and do stand up.

Mrs. Maisel: Who knows, maybe someday you will be up there. [Drinking her martini]

Rita May Johnson: No. Not me, What would I even talk about?

Mrs. Maisel: Just be honest and say what’s on your mind. In fact, what about doing a set tonight?

Rita May Johnson: Tonight?

[Cut to the announcer on the stage]

Announcer: Coming up next, we got—this can’t be right. She sweeps the floors here. Rita May Johnson.

[Cut to the audience clapping] [Cut to Rita May Johnson walking up to the stage][She walks to the mic]

Rita May Johnson: Hi.

[Cut to the silent audience]

Mrs. Maisel: Remember, [Cut to Mrs. Meisel between the audience] just say what’s on your mind.

[Cut to Rita May Johnson feeling nervous on the stage]

Rita May Johnson: Now is it just me, [Cut to the audience listening patiently] or– does this bitch look like she has never sucked a—[Bleep].

[Cut to Mrs. Maisel surprised] [Cut to audience, silence at first, then burst laughing] [Cut to Rita May Johnson]

Rita May Johnson: —[Bleep].

Narrator: It’s the Rauchiest Miss Rita. [Cut to video clip of the audience in the bar] A show that is a little less stylized and a little more in your face.

[Cut to Rita May Johnson]

Rita May Johnson: I went to this lady’s house and I opened the drawer, 100 dildos! [everybody laughing] You know what I told her? You only got 99 now, because a bitch need one. [everybody laughing] [Cut to audience laughing] [Cut to Rita may Johnson] You Mother–[Bleep] [Cut to Mrs. Maisel and the announcer]

Mrs. Maisel: How long has she been on for?

Announcer: An hour and half.

Rita May Johnson: Is that the light? [Cut to Rita May Johnson] I ain’t never [Bleep] leaving.

[Cut to the scene of closing the bar]

Aidy: I gotta say that Rita’s got something.

Mrs. Maisel: You think so? What if she starts competing with me?

[Cut to Rita May Johnson]

Rita May Johnson: [Bleep][Bleep][Bleep] [Cut to Aidy and Mrs. Maisel]

Aidy: Somehow, I don’t think there is much overlap. [Aidy leaves]

Mrs. Maisel: Also, what’s with the hat? Are you a Newzie?

[Cut to Rita May Johnson. She is smoking on the stage]

Narrator: With an even more exasperated, Tony Shalhoub.

[Cut to Papa and Mrs. Maisel]

Papa: This just isn’t how it’s done, Midge.

Mrs. Maisel: Papa, I’m good at this.

Papa: No, she is good at this.

[Papa points at Rita May Johnson on stage]

Rita May Johnson: This dude knows what I’m talking about, ain’t that right. Mother–[Blee] [Papa is clapping out of laughter]

Narrator: Watch how Midge takes Rita under her wing.

[Cut to Rita May Johnson and Mrs. Maisel are talking, sitting on the booth of the bar]

Mrs. Maisel: Now, if you’re talking about core subjects, you may want to speak about them euphemistically.

Rita May Johnson: Okay. Okay. I got it.

[Cut to Rita May Johnson on stage]

Now we [Bleep] my ass. At least turn on the TV so I have something to watch.[Audience laughing] [Cut to Rita May Johnson and Mrs. Maisel]

Mrs. Maisel: Oh, and you want to make sure to get the audience on your side.

Rita May Johnson: Right.

[Cut to Rita May Johnson on stage]

I bet your [Bleep] is so small – you [Bleep] on your nuts. [Audience laughing] She knows what I’m talking about.

[Cut to Mrs. Maisel laughing with the audience]

Narrator: From the creator of Gilmore Girls and some producers from Def Comedy Jam. The Raunchiest Miss Rita.

[Cut to Rita May Johnson leaving the stage and announcer is on mic]

Announcer: Rita May Johnson folks. This next comic is a lot more clean cut and wholesome. Welcome Mr. William Cosby.

[Mr. William Cosby walks on the stage]

Mr. William Cosby: Thank you.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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