The U.E.S. | Season 44 Episode 11

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Leslie Jones

James McAvoy

Kate McKinnon

[Starts with a video clip, written ‘A message from Leslie Jones’] [Cut to Leslie Jones rapping]

Leslie Jones: In my live, I’ve lived in some of the hardest neighborhoods in America. Comption, Spanish-Harlem. Bed-Stuy. But the neighborhood where I live now, you all don’t know it like I do. This is the Upper East Side, bitches.

It’s the UES where the players play,[Cut to white men standing in front of the Fairway store] White men standing right up the Fairway,
I used to be basic but that was long ago
Now I’m moving on up like the Jefferson show

You think you got a subway? Bitch, we got a Q, [Cut to Leslie rapping in the Q train] The only train longer than World War II,
Always got a seat and it’s clean as hell,
Got that nobody peed in here subway smell.

Aint no drama the car’s strictly mellow
just some working folks and their kids with a cello
Some think it’s sleezy well [bleep] the haters
your train’s got stairs we got excalators

This ain’t harlem ya’ll I got seamless for days [Cut to cab coming to pick up] and a cab outside that comes right away
I order where I want ya’ll can’t stop me
two in the morning bring me salmon and broccoli

think there ain’t no black folks, you mistaken
there’s nannies and nurses and a doorman whose Jamaican
You all thought that at 50 I’d be broke or dead
now I’m a lady from Comption inline for fresh bread

Man, everybody’s balling on the Upper East Side. People from all over the world come to live the UES life. Like the German dude who bakes my bread, [Leslie walks to the door of the bakery and walks in to the baker] hit him up one time.

[Cut to James McAvoy rapping in German accent, with Leslie Jones]

James McAvoy : It’s the UES and I know what you want
got a line out the door for $12 croissant
Five stars on yelp, yeah, you know the sitch
I bake a cherry streudel make zaga my bitch

My father baked bread and my father’s father
you get bread some where else don’t even bother
Ladies got the hookup just ask for Mika (Michael)
I’ll take her to heaven before you had your soul-cycle

Leslie Jones: Yeah, that’s that East side life.

[Cut to split screen. Leslie Jones is speaking to Kate McKinnon on the phone] Yo, Kate, you think West side is poppin? Come over to UES where it’s all going on.

We could hit the met gala stay

[Cut to Kate sitting on sofa with her cat]

Kate McKinnon: Or stay home with my cat

[Cut to the door of café Carlyle]

Leslie Jones: Go to café Carlyle

[Cut to Kate sitting on sofa with her cat]

Kate McKinnon: Or stay home with my cat

[Cut to the door of restaurant Daniel]

Leslie Jones: Dine at Daniel

[Cut to Kate sitting on sofa with her cat]

Kate McKinnon: Or stay home with my cat
home with my cat
home with my cat
It’s going to be a party when I’m home with my cat
cause I got Netflix and I got a warm cat
Got a warm cat
Got a warm cat
I got a cozy blanket and I got a warm cat

[Cut to Leslie rapping outside the German bakery]

Leslie Jones: It’s the UES where the players play
We got nail salons and diners for days
I used to be basic but that was long ago
Now I’m moving on up like the Jefferson show

There it is. Ues for life. Son. We can’t go back. They say, “Leslie, you forgot where you came from”. Bitch, I live here, because I remember where I came from. Upper East side.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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