Whoopie Goldberg… Leslie Jones
Abby Huntsman… Cecily Strong
Joe Behar… Kate McKinnon
Ana Navarro… Melissa Villaseñor
Meghan McCain… Aidy Bryant
Pete Buttigieg… Paul Rudd
Chasten Buttigieg… Beck Bennett[Starts with The View intro]
Narrator: You’re watching The View. Can you believe they’re not mic’d?[Cut to the set]
Whoopie Goldberg: Hello, hello. This is The View, the most high stakes brunch on television. [Cut to Whoopie] I’m Whoopie Goldberg. Later today we’ll be talking about dinosaurs, are they scary or they just silly? But up first is hot topics. [Cut to Whoopie and Abby] This week Alabama pass a near total ban on abortion. We’re about to pop off. We’ll start with Amy Huntsman.
Abby Huntsman: Thanks, Whoop, it’s Abby but I can change it. [Cut to Abby] They’re calling this the war on women. I don’t think women should fight. I think women should be best friends like us. Right, Joy?[Cut to Joe]
Joe Behar: Yeah, sure, sweetie. Listen, I want to talk about the guys who passed this bill. Maybe they’re so concerned with what happens to a six-week-old fetus because they all look like one. Blobby Nothings with beady eyes and big foreheads. They’re like, oh, my god, it’s me. What do you want? Laugh, don’t, I get paid the same.[Cut to Ana]
Ana Navarro: This law is backwards. It is regressive. It is texting your ex, honey, you don’t want to do that. It’s backwards, it’s regressive. It is– Oh, no, I’m skipping.[Cut to Meghan]
Meghan McCain: Okay, can I talk now? Okay, I am the only daughter at this table. So, I have to say, these senators are actually very good and fun guys, so I am spending love to Clyde Chambliss, Shay Shelnutt and Garland Gujer. And those are all real names, okay? Please, please, guys, let me talk.[Cut to Whoopie]
Whoopie Goldberg: No one else is talking.[Cut to Meghan]
Meghan McCain: Okay. You see, and I’m getting attacked, and as the person most upset right now, I am right.
Joe Behar: We got a live wire. Anything’s going to set her off.[Cut to everybody. Whoopie is making noise juggling her coins.]
Whoopie Goldberg: Down, down, no, down![Cut to Whoopie]
Our guest today is one of the many democrats running for president. He’s also the youngest. Please give it up for Pete Buttigieg.[Pete Buttigieg walks in to the set]
Pete Buttigieg: Hello.
Joe Behar: Hi. How are you?
Pete Buttigieg: Well, I’m ready to work. See my exposed forearms?[Cut to Whoopie]
Whoopie Goldberg: Now, I hear when you grow up, you want to be president.[Cut to Pete]
Pete Buttigieg: Well, I am grown up.
Pete Buttigieg: I may only be 37 years old but I do feel like I represent everyday Americans. I’m just a Harvard educated, Multilingual War Veteran Rhodes scholar. I’m just like you.
Joe Behar: Oh my god! So young, so impressive. Can you fix my phone? I got like 8,000 unread emails.
Pete Buttigieg: Look, ladies, I’m here to talk about issues, like climate change. There you go, I fixed it.
Joe Behar: Okay. You’re my nephew. My nephew for president.[Cut to Abby]
Abby Huntsman: Okay. And you have an unusual name. How do you pronounce that?[Cut to Pete]
Pete Buttigieg: Pete.
Abby Huntsman: Oh, okay. I was thinking Pad Thai like the Japanese spaghetti.[Cut to Whoopie, Abby, Joe and Pete]
Whoopie Goldberg: So you really think that you’re ready to be president?[Cut to Pete]
Pete Buttigieg: Am I ready? [Speaking in Spanish] [Cut to Whoopie]
Whoopie Goldberg: And what was that last one?[Cut to Pete]
Pete Buttigieg: A language I made up to speak to Gnomes.[Cut to Joe and Pete]
Joe Behar: I got to ask because I’m sure it come up. You’re gay.
Pete Buttigieg: That’s not a question. But I do want to say that I wouldn’t be running for president if I didn’t believe America was ready to accept not only a gay man but a boring gay man in public eye.[Cut to Pete, Ana and Meghan]
Ana Navarro: I think I saw your husband backstage. Bring him out.
Pete Buttigieg: Oh, no, I’m here to talk about my policies.
Ana Navarro and Meghan McCain: Husband, husband! Husband![Chasten enters the set]
Chasten Buttigieg: Hello, I’m Chasten Buttigieg.
Pete Buttigieg: He took the name Buttigieg. That’s commitment, right?[Cut to Meghan laughing only after few seconds]
Meghan McCain: Ha-ha-ha, yes, be my friend or I’ll die.[Cut to Joe, Pete and Chasten]
Chasten Buttigieg: Wow, this is all so new to me. Usually I’m just home with the dog.
Joe Behar: You’re gay and you have dogs? I’m sorry. I love that. I’m voting for you. Mayor Pete, we love you, we can never forget about Joe Biden. [Cut to everybody]
Ana Navarro: Take me to Delaware.
Whoopie Goldberg: We love him.
Joe Behar: My Prez.
Ana Navarro: Oh, Joe.[Cut to Whoopie hugging her Joe Biden printed pillow] [Song’s playing]
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven’s gate
There’s a freedom in your arms
[Cut to Meghan]
Meghan McCain: Well, thank you both for being here. Joy, you need to let me talk.
Joe Behar: I have said nothing all day![Cut to everybody. Whoopie blowing blow horn.]
Joe Behar: What?
Whoopie Goldberg: Not today, Satan.[Cut to Whoopie]
Coming up after the break, prison reform and Elon Musk teaches us to vape. This is The View.[Ends with outro]