Theresa May | Season 44 Episode 17


Theresa May… Kate McKinnon

Sara Bareilles

[Starts with video clips of reports from different news channels]

Channel 1: Today should have been Brexit day. That’s what Theresa May has promised.

Channel 2: She came up short.

Channel 3: She’s made a terrible mess.

Channel 4: Theresa May.

Channel 5: Teresa May–

Channel 6: –is not exactly dealing with Winston Church.

Channel 7: She’s proved herself to be one of the most worst Prime Minis—

[Theresa May turns off the TV] [Music starts playing] [Sara Bareilles is singing and playing a piano. Music video has Theresa May’s different video clips]

Sara Bareilles: [Singing] It’s not simple to say
That most days I don’t recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them

[Theresa May is walking in the streets of London. People are staring at her with disappointed face.]

It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything like I used be, although it’s true
I was never attention’s sweet center
I still remember that girl

She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help

She is messy, but she’s kind

[Theresa May greets the guards, but they show her their middle fingers]

She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a really bad life

[Theresa May googles herself, it shows 0 results]

She is gone, but she used to be mine

It’s not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true

And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew

Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck

[Theresa May dances with a man]

And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone,

[Theresa May kisses the man]

but used to be mine

Used to be mine

[Cut to Theresa May running to Mr. Corbin in a hall full of people]

Theresa May: Mr. Corbin, Mr. Corbin, please, I think I know what to do.

Mr. Corbin: Madam Prime Minister. We’ve already agreed on a solution. Your solution.

Theresa May: What?

Mr. Corbin: You’ve solved Brexit. And you’ve saved Britain. [Everybody in the room cheers]

Sara Bareilles: She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely

[Theresa may wakes up from her sleep. Everything she saw was a dream.] [Cut to TV, it is still on]

Channel 8: Theresa May is simply not in control of this process.

[Cut to Theresa May]

Theresa May:Well, [Bleep] you. At least I’m trying.

Sara Bareilles: but she used to be mine

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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