Halsey
Aidy Bryant
Kate McKinnon
Beck Bennett
Kenan Thompson
Carleen… Heidi Gardner
[Music video starts with Halsey, Aidy and Kate dancing in a fancy room]
Kate McKinnon: February 14th.
Aidy Bryant: The hottest Thursday of the year.
Halsey: It’s a whole day about sex, romance and sexy romance.
Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant and Halsey: Happy Valentine’s day.
[Cut to Aidy Bryant and Beck Bennett sitting on sofa, having romance]
Aidy Bryant: ♪ It’s 8 PM on Valentine’s day
My man got m flowers, got me lingerie
The door bell rings and I’m like what more
He shrugs at me and I run to get the door [Aidy Bryant goes to get the door]
It’s a card that says you’re my significant other
Oh no, no, to my beautiful daughter
Made me a card for mom, okay, wow,
Cause damn, damn, damn that’s not where I’m at right now
[Cut to Halsey, Kate and Aidy dancing and singing together]
Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant and Halsey: I don’t wanna think of you it’s a day for romance
I don’t want to think of you when getting in the pants
We’re about to pounce, money’s on the bed
And I’m grinding with him but now you’re in my head
And I’m bumpin’, I’m bangin’, I’m boning’
I’m about to bust through
So I don’t wanna think of you
[Cut to Kenan Thompson singing in a white suit]
Kenan Thompson: Stand down, stand down and now she’s face timing you
Stand down, stand down.
[Cut to Halsey at her desk]
Halsey: I’m at my desk and I’m sexting my boo
Telling him the freaky deaky stuff we’re gonna do
He sends a pic of his full winnie
I hear a knock and it’s my female boss Carleen [Cut to Carleen with a teddy bear]
This is bad, I’m holding in my chair [Carleen gives the ear to Halsey]
Gotta shift gears because she’s handing me a big pink bear
And we’re not close, Carleen do less
A quick side hug then home and make a mess
[Cut to Halsey, Kate and Aidy dancing and singing together]
Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant and Halsey: I don’t wanna think of you you’re a very loose acquaintance
I don’t wanna think of you when you’re down there doin’ some maintenance
Give us crap gifts, well that’s your call
But tell me when did this day become a free-for-all
Your card says I love you and again Carleen you are my boss.
So I don’t wanna think of you
[Cut to Kenan Thompson singing in a white suit]
Kenan Thompson: Stand down, stand down Carleen you handle the checks
Stand down, stand down.
[Cut to Kate McKinnon handling things with her son]
Kate McKinnon: I don’t want to think of the card that my son bought me
Keep in mind when you hear this daddy can’t really read
It says baby I can’t wait for tonight
another sexy formation but it’s just not right.
And what do you think will happen tonight? We eat cake mama.
Halsey: Cake mama.
[Cut to Halsey, Kate and Aidy dancing and singing together]
Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant and Halsey: I don’t want to think of you. I just wanna curl my toes
When my dentist gives me a single rose
Sexy day meant for me and my lover
Why did I get this lotion from my brother
Aidy Bryant: I don’t do that Michael.
Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant and Halsey: The cards and the candies ‘cause I love you too
I love you but I don’t wanna think of you
[Cut to Kenan Thompson delivering his message in a white suit]
Kenan Thompson: Valentine’s day is for lovers. They don’ want to hear from you. That’s what birthdays are for.
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