Valentine’s Song | Season 44 Episode 12

Halsey

Aidy Bryant

Kate McKinnon

Beck Bennett

Kenan Thompson

Carleen… Heidi Gardner

[Music video starts with Halsey, Aidy and Kate dancing in a fancy room]

Kate McKinnon: February 14th.

Aidy Bryant: The hottest Thursday of the year.

Halsey: It’s a whole day about sex, romance and sexy romance.

Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant and Halsey: Happy Valentine’s day.

[Cut to Aidy Bryant and Beck Bennett sitting on sofa, having romance]

Aidy Bryant:It’s 8 PM on Valentine’s day

My man got m flowers, got me lingerie

The door bell rings and I’m like what more

He shrugs at me and I run to get the door [Aidy Bryant goes to get the door]

It’s a card that says you’re my significant other

Oh no, no, to my beautiful daughter

Made me a card for mom, okay, wow,

Cause damn, damn, damn that’s not where I’m at right now

[Cut to Halsey, Kate and Aidy dancing and singing together]

Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant and Halsey: I don’t wanna think of you it’s a day for romance

I don’t want to think of you when getting in the pants

We’re about to pounce, money’s on the bed

And I’m grinding with him but now you’re in my head

And I’m bumpin’, I’m bangin’, I’m boning’

I’m about to bust through

So I don’t wanna think of you

[Cut to Kenan Thompson singing in a white suit]

Kenan Thompson: Stand down, stand down and now she’s face timing you

Stand down, stand down.

[Cut to Halsey at her desk]

Halsey: I’m at my desk and I’m sexting my boo

Telling him the freaky deaky stuff we’re gonna do

He sends a pic of his full winnie

I hear a knock and it’s my female boss Carleen [Cut to Carleen with a teddy bear]

This is bad, I’m holding in my chair [Carleen gives the ear to Halsey]

Gotta shift gears because she’s handing me a big pink bear

And we’re not close, Carleen do less

A quick side hug then home and make a mess

[Cut to Halsey, Kate and Aidy dancing and singing together]

Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant and Halsey: I don’t wanna think of you you’re a very loose acquaintance

I don’t wanna think of you when you’re down there doin’ some maintenance

Give us crap gifts, well that’s your call

But tell me when did this day become a free-for-all

Your card says I love you and again Carleen you are my boss.

So I don’t wanna think of you

[Cut to Kenan Thompson singing in a white suit]

Kenan Thompson: Stand down, stand down Carleen you handle the checks

Stand down, stand down.

[Cut to Kate McKinnon handling things with her son]

Kate McKinnon: I don’t want to think of the card that my son bought me

Keep in mind when you hear this daddy can’t really read

It says baby I can’t wait for tonight

another sexy formation but it’s just not right.

And what do you think will happen tonight? We eat cake mama.

Halsey: Cake mama.

[Cut to Halsey, Kate and Aidy dancing and singing together]

Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant and Halsey: I don’t want to think of you. I just wanna curl my toes

When my dentist gives me a single rose

Sexy day meant for me and my lover

Why did I get this lotion from my brother

Aidy Bryant: I don’t do that Michael.

Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant and Halsey: The cards and the candies ‘cause I love you too

I love you but I don’t wanna think of you

[Cut to Kenan Thompson delivering his message in a white suit]

Kenan Thompson: Valentine’s day is for lovers. They don’ want to hear from you. That’s what birthdays are for.

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