Ventriloquist

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Announcer… Alex Moffat

Wally Culpepper… Will Farrell

Kenan Thompson

Cecily Strong

[Starts with an announcer at the stage of Hi-Hat lounge] [applause]

Announcer: All right folks, we’re just getting warmed up tonight at the Hi-hat lounge . Please welcome to the stage Wally Culpepper and his little pal Chippy.

[Announcer leaves the stage. Wally Culpepper comes to the stage with his puppet.] [applause]

Wally: Hey! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am indeed Wally Culpepper and this little stick of firewood is Chippy. Chippy, would you like to say “Hi” to all the lovely ladies and gentlemen tonight?[Chippy is the puppet]

Chippy: I sure would. When are they showing up?

Wally: Boy, Chippy, sounds like you might have gotten up on the wrong side of bed.

Chippy: I thought so, too. But your wife didn’t mind.

[Cut to audience laughing] [Cut to Wally and Chippy]

Wally: Now, Chippy. That’s not very polite.

Chippy: You try being polite when you’ve got a man’s hand up your butt.

[Cut to audience laughing] [Cut to Wally and Chippy]

Wally: Chippy. This is a family show. Try to keep it G-rated.

Chippy: You try keeping it G-rated when you’ve got a man’s hand up your butty.

[Cut to the audience confused and not laughing] [Cut to Wally and Chippy]

Wally: Okay. Okay. We get the point. So do you have any plans for the weekend, Chippy?

Chippy: You try having plans this weekend when you’ve got a man’s hand up your butt. I’m not trying to be funny. This man’s entire hand is up my butt.

[Cut to the audience confused and not laughing]

Kenan: Hey, man. Cut it out.

[Cut to Wally and Chippy]

Wally: You see, Chippy, the audience doesn’t appreciate your high jinx.

Chippy: Don’t listen to him! You are witnessing a crime. And you are all complicit. Help! Help! This grown man has his entire hand up my butt!

[Cut to the audience]

Kenan: Hey, get your hand out the little man’s butt!

[Cut to Wally and Chippy]

Wally: I’m sorry?

[Cut to the audience]

Cecily: He said get your hand out of his butt. He’s clearly not into this. Boo!

[Cut to Wally and Chippy]

Wally: Ladies and gentlemen, please. It’s a puppet. It’s just part of the act. I set up a joke and have the puppet deliver a sassy comeback, okay? Watch. Hey, Chippy, tell them what you did last night.

Chippy: I spent hours hemorrahaging on the toilet, you monster. My insides are pulp.

[Cut to the audience]

Cecily: Was that the punch line? Honey, do something.

Kenan: You take your hand out of the puppet’s butt. You are killing him.

Chippy: Just let me go!

[audience booing] [Cut to Wally and Chippy]

Wally: All right, all right! Everybody cool it. I’ll take my hand out. All right? And I’ll show you how ridiculous you’re all acting. [Wally puts the puppet on the stool.] See? It’s just a puppet, okay? Now, can I go on with the show now please, sir?

[Cut to the audience]

Kenan: Chippy, you good man? [The puppet doesn’t speak] All right. I guess.

[Cut to Wally and Chippy]

Wally: All right. Thank you. Now, let’s have some fun. [Wally takes a jar of lubricant and puts it all over his hand. Then he puts his hand inside the puppet.]

Chippy: Ah! Ah! Ah! That never gets easier.

Wally: Not with you as a partner, it doesn’t. Hit it, Leon.

[music playing]

You say potato and I say potahto.

Chippy: My name is Lewis Maldanado. Someone please call my wife.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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