Announcer… Alex Moffat
Wally Culpepper… Will Farrell
Cecily Strong[Starts with an announcer at the stage of Hi-Hat lounge] [applause]
Announcer: All right folks, we’re just getting warmed up tonight at the Hi-hat lounge . Please welcome to the stage Wally Culpepper and his little pal Chippy.[Announcer leaves the stage. Wally Culpepper comes to the stage with his puppet.] [applause]
Wally: Hey! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am indeed Wally Culpepper and this little stick of firewood is Chippy. Chippy, would you like to say “Hi” to all the lovely ladies and gentlemen tonight?[Chippy is the puppet]
Chippy: I sure would. When are they showing up?
Wally: Boy, Chippy, sounds like you might have gotten up on the wrong side of bed.
Chippy: I thought so, too. But your wife didn’t mind.[Cut to audience laughing] [Cut to Wally and Chippy]
Wally: Now, Chippy. That’s not very polite.
Chippy: You try being polite when you’ve got a man’s hand up your butt.[Cut to audience laughing] [Cut to Wally and Chippy]
Wally: Chippy. This is a family show. Try to keep it G-rated.
Chippy: You try keeping it G-rated when you’ve got a man’s hand up your butty.[Cut to the audience confused and not laughing] [Cut to Wally and Chippy]
Wally: Okay. Okay. We get the point. So do you have any plans for the weekend, Chippy?
Chippy: You try having plans this weekend when you’ve got a man’s hand up your butt. I’m not trying to be funny. This man’s entire hand is up my butt.[Cut to the audience confused and not laughing]
Kenan: Hey, man. Cut it out.
Wally: You see, Chippy, the audience doesn’t appreciate your high jinx.
Chippy: Don’t listen to him! You are witnessing a crime. And you are all complicit. Help! Help! This grown man has his entire hand up my butt![Cut to the audience]
Kenan: Hey, get your hand out the little man’s butt![Cut to Wally and Chippy]
Wally: I’m sorry?[Cut to the audience]
Cecily: He said get your hand out of his butt. He’s clearly not into this. Boo![Cut to Wally and Chippy]
Wally: Ladies and gentlemen, please. It’s a puppet. It’s just part of the act. I set up a joke and have the puppet deliver a sassy comeback, okay? Watch. Hey, Chippy, tell them what you did last night.
Chippy: I spent hours hemorrahaging on the toilet, you monster. My insides are pulp.[Cut to the audience]
Cecily: Was that the punch line? Honey, do something.
Kenan: You take your hand out of the puppet’s butt. You are killing him.
Chippy: Just let me go![audience booing] [Cut to Wally and Chippy]
Wally: All right, all right! Everybody cool it. I’ll take my hand out. All right? And I’ll show you how ridiculous you’re all acting. [Wally puts the puppet on the stool.] See? It’s just a puppet, okay? Now, can I go on with the show now please, sir?
Kenan: Chippy, you good man? [The puppet doesn’t speak] All right. I guess.[Cut to Wally and Chippy]
Wally: All right. Thank you. Now, let’s have some fun. [Wally takes a jar of lubricant and puts it all over his hand. Then he puts his hand inside the puppet.]
Chippy: Ah! Ah! Ah! That never gets easier.
Wally: Not with you as a partner, it doesn’t. Hit it, Leon.[music playing]
You say potato and I say potahto.
Chippy: My name is Lewis Maldanado. Someone please call my wife.