Weekend Update: Baskin Johns Shares More Goop Products | Season 44 Episode 15

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Baskin Johns… Heidi Gardner

Fifer James… Gwyneth Kate Paltrow

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che at his set]

Michael Che: The health and lifestyle brand Goop hosted a wellness summit in New York this weekend. Here to talk about it is Goop representative Baskin Johns. Hey, welcome back Baskin.

[Baskin Johns joins Michael Che]

Baskin Johns: I’m blessed to be back, Michael.

Michael Che: Well, last time you were here, you had a little trouble.

Baskin Johns: Yes, [Cut to Baskin Johns] I forgot a lot of what the stuff we sell is and does. But this time I’ve done my homework.

[Cut to Michael Che and Baskin Johns]

Michael Che: Great, and I’m sure Gwyneth is watching as well.

Baskin Johns: Cool. So, [Cut to Baskin Johns] first up, is our Goop body wash, infused with ginger and – Oshawaganda.

[Cut to Michael Che and Baskin Johns]

Michael Che: Right, and for our viewers who don’t know what Oshawaganda is?

Baskin Johns: Thank you for you curiosity, Michael. [Cut to Baskin Johns] Oshawaganda is the number one thing rated number one. You know what, I would love to tell you what ginger is instead.

[Cut to Michael Che and Baskin Johns]

Michael Che: No, just tell us about Oshawaganda.

Baskin Johns: Fine, Oshawaganda comes from Wakanda.

Michael Che: It comes from Wakanda like the made up country in ‘Black Panther’?

Baskin Johns: Yeah. Actually, [Cut to Baskin Johns] Gwyneth visited Wakanda and found lots of Oshawaganda growing on the set. And actually, I would love to tell you what ‘Black Panther’ is instead.

[Cut to Michael Che and Baskin Johns]

Michael Che: Are you having trouble against Baskin?

Baskin Johns: I already got one probation and I can’t get a another because second strike is Missouri.

Michael Che: Missouri?

Baskin Johns: Yes. [Cut to Baskin Johns] I have to go live in Missouri for a year, work at bath and body works and let my roots grow out. I can’t do it. Listen, my supervisor is here. Can I bring her out?

[Cut to Michael Che and Baskin Johns]

Michael Che: Sure.

Baskin Johns: Okay, Fifer. Fifer, can you come help me? [Fifer James joins] Fifer, I need your help because I’m really afraid that Gwyneth is going to fire me.

Fifer James: She doesn’t believe in firing, remember, it’s called conscious unemploying.

Baskin Johns: Right. Yes, that is what Queen Gwe says.

Fifer James: So, I’m just going to take it from here, Baskin. [Cut to Michael Che, Baskin Johns and Fifer James]

Okay, [Cut to Baskin Johns and Fifer James] we have a new Himalayan Salt scrub. It is the number one salt scrub. Rated number one in all over salt. I mean, actually, I’d like to tell what you salt is instead.

[Cut to Michael Che, Baskin Johns and Fifer James]

Michael Che: I know what salt is.

Fifer James: Just so you know, it’s angry sugar.

Baskin Johns: You know what? [Cut to Baskin Johns and Fifer James] Fifer, we can get through this together. The Himalayan salt scrub  is— What is it?

Fifer James: Well, it’s number one.

Baskin Johns: Number one.

Fifer James: Yeah, the number one.

Baskin Johns: Number one GOOP.

Fifer James: Yeah, as well as musical guest GOOP.

Baskin Johns: Yeah, [Cut to Michael Che, Baskin Johns and Fifer James] featuring Goop.

Michael Che: So, what does GOOP stand for?

[Cut to Baskin Johns and Fifer James]

Baskin Johns and Fifer James: Gwyneth Opens Our Paychecks.

[Cut to Michael Che, Baskin Johns and Fifer James] Michael Che: Baskin Johns and Fifer James.

Baskin Johns and Fifer James: Oshwakanda forever

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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