Charles Barclay… Kenan Thompson
Colin Jost[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Tonight is the start of the final four with Virginia Beating Charles Barclays Alma Mater Auburn. Here to talk about it is Charles Barclay.[Charles Barclay joins Michael Che]
Charles Barclay: Boom! Muscles. What’s up, Michael? This is Charles Barkley, yeah, Auburn.
Michael Che: Auburn lost by one. Why are you so happy?
Charles Barclay: Because they came with the spread, man, yeah. Still, it was fun to see my school in the final four. [Cut to Charles Barclay ] They said, “It was going to be historic.” I said, “Yes, it is.” They said,”It’s going to be a party.” I said, “You’re damn right.” They said, “It’s going to be in Minneapolis.” I said, “Y’all have fun.”[Cut to Michael Che and Charles Barclay]
Michael Che: You don’t’ like Minneapolis, Charles?
Charles Barclay: Man, it’s crazy place, Michael. [Cut to Charles Barclay] The only think black in Minnesota is toe nails. They ain’t got no beach out there. Just a big old lake. They’re lake people, Michael. Lake people are shady. The only thing worse than lake people is river people. Oh, river people come at you like little beavers.
Michael Che: So you won some money on the game?
Charles Barclay: Yes, yes. But not enough, I already lost $50,000 on my bracket.
Michael Che: What did you bet to win it all, Duke?
Charles Barclay: No, I bet everything on Hogwards Central. [Cut to Charles Barclay] I thought if a team of black wizards couldn’t win it all, nobody could. And then, later I found out that is not a real school but something from a Wayans Brothers script that got sent to me in 2004. You think that a former student athlete like myself would make better decisions?[Cut to Michael Che and Charles Barclay]
Michael Che: Student athlete? Did you even go to class?
Charles Barclay: Oh, sure I did, and I was good student too because they let me major in Blackjack.
Michael Che: Still, college must have been fun back then.
Charles Barclay: Oh, yeah. The ‘80s man! [Cut to Charles Barclay] It was a crazy time. Dancing was illegal and every dog had sunglasses. 35 years ago I was a kid with a dream of being in a movie with Michael Jordan and Tweety Bird. And I did it. I was an NBA MVP, an Olympic gold medalist, and over my career I made about $50 million.[Cut to Michael Che and Charles Barclay]
Michael Che: Wow.
Charles Barclay: And I gambled away $60 million.
Michael Che: Charles Barkley, everybody.
Charles Barclay: Somebody give me some money to put on.
Michael Che: It’s Weekend Update. I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.