Weekend Update Kid Genius Riley Jenson

Riley Jensen… Melissa Villaseñor

Riley’s Mom… Heidi Gardner

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che in his news set.]

Michael Che: A plane sent to space by the air force returned to earth. Here to talk about it is kid genius Riley Jensen.

[Riley Jenson comes in]

Riley’s Mom: Mama is going to be right over here.

Riley Jensen: Thanks, mom. Hi, everybody. Mr. Che, thanks for having me. [laughing]

Michael Che: Thanks for being here, Riley. What’s it like to be a kid genius?

[Cut to Riley Jensen]

Riley Jensen: Just like a regular kid, only sometimes I go on TV.

[Cut to Michael Che and Riley Jensen]

Michael Che: All right. Well, I hear you really know your stuff, so what can you tell me about this space plane?

Riley Jensen: What can’t I tell you? [Cut to Riley Jensen] The X37-B spacecraft measures 29 by 9.5 feet with a wing span of 15 feet.

[Cut to Michael Che and Riley Jensen]

Michael Che: Wow, that’s pretty big.

Riley Jensen: You bet. And Michael, you know what’s really cool? [Cut to Riley Jensen] The X37-B is one of the first unmanned spacecraft to land horizontal on a runway.

[Cut to Michael Che and Riley Jensen]

Michael Che: Whoa, cool. How does it do that?

[Cut to Riley Jensen. She doesn’t know the answer.]

Riley Jensen: Umm, what?

[Cut to Michael Che and Riley Jensen]

Michael Che: You said it lands horizontal. How does that do?

[Cut to Riley Jensen. She doesn’t know the answer.]

Riley Jensen: Uh, I—Uh—I don’t know.

[Cut to Michael Che and Riley Jensen]

Michael Che: That’s okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.

Riley Jensen: No, it’s okay. [Cut to Riley Jensen.] Sometimes even geniuses make mistakes.

[Riley’s mom comes in.]

Riley’s Mom: You’re blowing it.

Riley Jensen: This guy’s throwing me curve balls, mom.

Riley’s Mom: Baby, these are softballs and you’re whiffing hard. Okay, you know what? That’s it, we’re canceling “Ellen”.

Riley Jensen: No, no, don’t. If you can’t handle Che, Ellen’s going to eat you alive.

[Riley’s mom leaves] [Cut to Michael Che and Riley Jensen]

Michael Che: Is everything okay, Riley?
Riley Jensen: I’m great. That was my mom. She’s so funny.

Michael Che: Okay, well this is impressive. I hear you know the names of every planet in the galaxy.

Riley Jensen: Yep. All eight.

Michael Che: Well, eight would be our solar system. The galaxy has billions, right?

[Cut to Riley Jensen]

Riley Jensen: Oh, right, I knew that.

[Riley’s mom comes in again.]

Riley’s Mom: You’re bombing.

Riley Jensen: This guy is going off script, mom?

Riley’s Mom: Baby, you look like a normal kid, I want you to know that.

[Cut to Michael Che, Riley Jensen and her mom.]

Michael Che: Alright, I was given some flash cards to quiz you. But I think we should maybe just wrap up this.

Riley’s Mom: No, no. We’re doing the flash cards.

Riley Jensen: Yeah, bring it on. I can do it.

Riley’s Mom: Come on, baby, make mama love you. Come on.

Michael Che: Oh, no! Okay. Riley, what planet is this?

[Michael Che has a picture of earth]

Riley Jensen: Easy, Saturn.

Michael Che: It’s actually earth.

Riley’s Mom: Damn it, get it together.

Riley Jensen: Hit me again, Che!

Michael Che: Okay. Well, how about this one?

[Michael Che has a picture of Saturn]

Riley Jensen: Moon?

Riley’s Mom: No, baby, come on, that’s it. You know what? You’re going to live with your dad.

Riley Jensen: No, he smokes!

Michael Che: Riley Jensen, everybody. I’m so sorry.

Riley Jensen: I’m not smart, I’m just polite.

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