Colin Jost
Nancy Pelosi… Kate McKinnon
[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set.]
Colin Jost: This week, Nancy Pelosi was asked by a reporter if she hates president Trump. Here to comment, Nancy Pelosi.
[Nancy Pelosi slides in]
Nancy Pelosi: Hello.
Colin Jost: Hi, Nancy. That journalist seem to really get under you skin with that question.
[Cut to Nancy Peolsi]
Nancy Pelosi: You know, you never know who is self-identifying as a journalist these days. That word doesn’t mean what it used to. Thank you for the lively debate. Breitbart, Ryan Seacrest.
[Cut to Nancy Peolsi and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Yeah, that reporter. Another reporter also asked if you felt bad for putting the country through whole impeachment process.
Nancy Pelosi: Everybody needs to understand, [Cut to Nancy Peolsi] I am not impeaching Trump because I hate him. I’m impeaching him because of rules. Look, I didn’t want any of this. Remember, it’s not my fault that we’re in this position. It is Trump’s fault. It is not the life guard’s fault for evacuating the pool. It is the rich kids who took a duke in the deep end.
[Cut to Nancy Peolsi and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: You said that you pray for Trump. Do you actually pray for Trump?
Nancy Pelosi: Yes, I pray for him all the time. I’ll do it right now. [Cut to Nancy Peolsi. She joins her hands and starts praying] Lord, help president Trump. If he has to be president, please make him a little better at any of it. Please take him. Not to heaven or anything. Just somewhere else. Just for a little while. Mama needs a break.
[Cut to Nancy Peolsi and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: And these are prayers?
Nancy Pelosi: Yes. Shh! [Cut to Nancy Peolsi] Dear lord almighty, teach him your values and help him understand the gold rule, what it means, and that it’s not a sex thing. God help him with his cares and concerns, like help him to have them about anyone or anything. Here’s an idea. Maybe place a curse on him like in the movie “Liar, liar,” where he is forced to tell the truth for just one week. Come on, lord, even you know that’d be funny.
[Cut to Nancy Peolsi and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: These prayers are a little passive aggressive.
Nancy Pelosi: No, no. Some of them are aggressive. Some of them are aggressive, aggressive. [Cut to Nancy Peolsi] Lord, please watch over Trump organization being run by Eric. Yikes! Please heal the republicans in the senate who all tragically lost their balls. And finally, please bless Lindsey Graham with a baby that’s black and gay.
[Cut to Nancy Peolsi and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Nancy Pelosi here, everyone.
Nancy Pelosi: I’ll pray for you Colin.
