Michael Che[Starts with Colin Jost at his set]
Colin Jost: Well, there’s a lot of controversy surrounding recent documentaries about R. Kelly and Michael Jackson. Here with his thoughts is Pete Davidson.[Pete Davidson joins Colin Jost]
Pete Davidson: How are you doing man? Hey, Colin. So have you guys seen the R. Kelly documentary?
Colin Jost: Yeah, Pete, I did.
Pete Davidson: Okay now, before I continue, this guy is a monster. And he should go to jail forever. But if you support the Catholic church, isn’t that like the same thing as being an R. Kelly fan? [Cut to Pete Davidson] I don’t really see the difference, only one’s music is significantly better. No, because the other day my mom was like, “I’m going to mass”. And I was like, “Okay, I’m going to go listen to the ‘Ignition’ remix”. Look, I’m not saying it’s an easy decision. I’m just saying you don’t know how good someone’s music really is until you find out they’re a pedophile. And the reason everybody is so upset is because R. Kelly and Michael Jackson made great music, you know. if I found out McLemore did some weird stuff, I’d be happy to free up some space on my iPhone. It just depends on who did it, you know. I understand people who say, “How can you listen to that music after what he did”. Headphones? [Cut to Pete Davidson and Colin Jost] Believe me, look, once we start doing our research, [Cut to Pete Davidson] we’re going to have much left, because it seems like all really talented people are sick. [Cut to Pete Davidson and Colin Jost] Don’t’ worry Colin me and you are good.
Colin Jost: Okay, good.
Pete Davidson: Not Che though. Che’s a genius.
Michael Che: Wait, what?[Cut to Pete Davidson]
Pete Davidson: Look, I don’t know what it is with talented people. You know, Charlie Chaplin was the first movie star ever, and he married a 15 year old. And he couldn’t even talk.[Cut to Pete Davidson and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: He could talk in real life.
Pete Davidson: No, he couldn’t. I saw all the footage. He didn’t talk once. [Cut to Pete Davidson] That’s why he’s a silent film star. So with guys like R. Kelly, the rule should be, if you warrant to listen to their music, you just have to admit that they’re bad people.[Cut to Pete Davidson and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Is it that hard to just stop listening to them all entirely?
Pete Davidson: Well, you don’t listen to R. Kelly. But, what if you found out the inventor of hair gel got caught jerking it on a train. You can’ use hair gel any more?
Colin Jost: That’s a good point, actually.
Pete Davidson: Yeah. All I’m saying is like, pretending these people never existed is maybe not the solution. [Cut to Pete Davidson] The rules should be that you can appreciate their work but only if you admit what they did, you know. You can buy a Mustang but only if you say “Henry Ford hated the Jews” as you buckle in. The first sentence should be, “Mark Wahlberg beat up an old Asian dude” and I would like one ticket to Daddy’s Home 3 please.” Because if it’s that important to you, at least own it. I don’t even need to see a Kevin Spacey movie again. But if CEO of Swisher Sweets turns out to be a cannibal, I can’t just change my whole life. So here’s my plan and hopefully you guys like it. Every time any of us listen to a song or watch a movie made by an accused serial predator, you have to give a dollar to charity that helps sexual assault survivors. I’ve already donated $142. That’s just from the ‘Ignition’ remix alone..[Cut to Pete Davidson and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: That’s really nice, Pete. Is there anything else you want to talk about? Anything else going on?
Pete Davidson: No, I don’t think so.
Colin Jost: Uh-huh, not like a new girlfriend situation or anything?
Pete Davidson: Oh, yeah. [Cut to Pete Davidson] So apparently people have a crazy fascination with our age difference. But it doesn’t really bother us. But then again, I’m new to this. So if you have questions about a relationship with a big age difference just ask Leonardo DiCaprio, Jason Statham, Michael Douglas, Richard Gere, Jeff Goldblum, Scott Disick, George Clooney, Dane Cook, Derek Jeter, Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford, Tommy Lee, Sean Penn, whoever the president of France is, Mel Gibson, Billy Joel, Ben Kingsley, Mick Jagger, Live Schreiber, Sylvester Stallone, Kelsey Grammer, Larry King, Larry King, Rod Steward and Donald Trump.
Colin Jost: Pete Davidson, everyone.
Pete Davidson: You’re going down, Che. You’re going down.
Michael Che: I don’t even know what I did.