Mort Felder … Mikey Day
Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set]
Colin Jost: American votes over 700 super centenarians, that’s people over 110 years old and many are making headlines. Here with the super centenarian news is here is Mort Felder.
[Mort Felder slides in]
Mort Felder: Yes, thank you. Hello, Colin. [Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost] My wife says you look like a young Errol Flynn.
Colin Jost: Great. So you got some news stories for us, Mort?
Mort Felder: You bet. Here are some of the super things America’s super centenarians are up to.
[Cut to Mort Felder]
Last week, 114 year-old Howard Donahue finally achieved his lifelong dream of experiencing the warm waters of Hawaii.
[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Oh, well that’s fun.
Mort Felder: His ashes were spread near the coast on Sunday. He will be missed.
Colin Jost: That’s not where I thought that story was going, Mort.
Mort Felder: Well, yeah. [Cut to Mort Felder] How about 111-year-old Jan Butler, who because the oldest living person to take the bar exam last month. And she passed–
[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin jost]
Colin Jost: Go, Jan!
Mort Felder: –away, moments after completing the task. Rest in peace, Jan.
Colin Jost: Okay, well it’s still a great accomplishment for her.
Mort Felder: Yes, it is. Colin, guess who, 115-year-old Clint Eastwood super fan Eda Kerns finally met?
Colin Jost: Clint Eastwood?
[Cut to Mort Felder]
Mort Felder: Her maker. Eda passed peacefully in her home on Thursday.
[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin]
Colin Jost: Are there any stories with happier endings, Mort?
Mort Felder: Yeah. How about some Showbiz News?
Colin Jost: Love it, great.
Mort Felder: All right. [Cut to Mort Felder] 116-year-old Paul Douglas did his first standup comedy set at the Temple Improv on Friday.
[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Hey, that’s good for Paul.
Mort Felder: Yes, he did a very energetic 45-minute set and absolutely destroyed–
Colin Jost: Nice.
[Cut to Mort Felder]
Mort Felder: –his fragile immune system in the process and passed shortly thereafter. I’m just reporting the news. R.I.P, Paul.
Colin Jost: That’s too bad. [Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost] I was really excited about that one.
Mort Felder: Hey, time for sports news. Colin, do you like baseball?
Colin Jost: I’m afraid to say, but yes, I do.
[Cut to Mort Felder]
Mort Felder: You do? Well, not as much as Joe Feeney who on Sunday joined the Angels.
[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Oh, no.
Mort Felder: No, the Angels baseball team.
Colin Jost: Oh, okay.
Mort Felder: In Anaheim, who honored Joe’s five decades of fandom. He even threw out the first pitch. And the umpire called–
[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: A strike?
Mort Felder: 911 when he collapsed on the mound. But Joe remains alive and well.
Colin Jost: Yay! Hi, Joe.
Mort Felder: In our hearts. As he died en route to the hospital.
Colin Jost: Thank you, Mort. Mort Felder with the super centenarian news. For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.
Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Good night.
