Weekend Update Supercentenarian Mort Fellner Returns


Mort Felder … Mikey Day

Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set]

Colin Jost: American votes over 700 super centenarians, that’s people over 110 years old and many are making headlines. Here with the super centenarian news is here is Mort Felder.

[Mort Felder slides in]

Mort Felder: Yes, thank you. Hello, Colin. [Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost] My wife says you look like a young Errol Flynn.

Colin Jost: Great. So you got some news stories for us, Mort?

Mort Felder: You bet. Here are some of the super things America’s super centenarians are up to.

[Cut to Mort Felder]

Last week, 114 year-old Howard Donahue finally achieved his lifelong dream of experiencing the warm waters of Hawaii.

[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Oh, well that’s fun.
Mort Felder: His ashes were spread near the coast on Sunday. He will be missed.

Colin Jost: That’s not where I thought that story was going, Mort.

Mort Felder: Well, yeah. [Cut to Mort Felder] How about 111-year-old Jan Butler, who because the oldest living person to take the bar exam last month. And she passed–

[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin jost]

Colin Jost: Go, Jan!

Mort Felder: –away, moments after completing the task. Rest in peace, Jan.

Colin Jost: Okay, well it’s still a great accomplishment for her.

Mort Felder: Yes, it is. Colin, guess who, 115-year-old Clint Eastwood super fan Eda Kerns finally met?

Colin Jost: Clint Eastwood?

[Cut to Mort Felder]

Mort Felder: Her maker. Eda passed peacefully in her home on Thursday.

[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin]

Colin Jost: Are there any stories with happier endings, Mort?

Mort Felder: Yeah. How about some Showbiz News?

Colin Jost: Love it, great.

Mort Felder: All right. [Cut to Mort Felder] 116-year-old Paul Douglas did his first standup comedy set at the Temple Improv on Friday.

[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Hey, that’s good for Paul.

Mort Felder: Yes, he did a very energetic 45-minute set and absolutely destroyed–

Colin Jost: Nice.

[Cut to Mort Felder]

Mort Felder: –his fragile immune system in the process and passed shortly thereafter. I’m just reporting the news. R.I.P, Paul.

Colin Jost: That’s too bad. [Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost] I was really excited about that one.

Mort Felder: Hey, time for sports news. Colin, do you like baseball?

Colin Jost: I’m afraid to say, but yes, I do.

[Cut to Mort Felder]

Mort Felder: You do? Well, not as much as Joe Feeney who on Sunday joined the Angels.

[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Oh, no.

Mort Felder: No, the Angels baseball team.

Colin Jost: Oh, okay.
Mort Felder: In Anaheim, who honored Joe’s five decades of fandom. He even threw out the first pitch. And the umpire called–

[Cut to Mort Felder and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: A strike?

Mort Felder: 911 when he collapsed on the mound. But Joe remains alive and well.

Colin Jost: Yay! Hi, Joe.

Mort Felder: In our hearts. As he died en route to the hospital.

Colin Jost: Thank you, Mort. Mort Felder with the super centenarian news. For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Good night.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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