Doug… John Mulaney
Courtney… Cecily Strong
Vince Blight… Bill Hader
Todd… Mikey Day
Todd’s Wife… Heidi Gardner
Jake… Alex Moffat
Jake’s Wife… Aidy Bryant
[Starts with Doug and Courtney in the game show]Narrator: And now it’s time to play what’s that name? And here’s your host, [Cut to Vince Blight] Vince Blight.
Vince Blight: Hello, hello and welcome to What’s That Name. The rules are simple. We show you a person. You tell us their name. Our contestants are Dough and Courtney. [Cut to Doug and Courney] [Cut to Vince Blight] The first question goes to Doug. John Legend is one of pop music’s biggest artists. But his better half as a star in her own right. [cut to picture of John Legend and his wife] Doug, what’s that name?
Doug: Crissy Teagan. [Ring for the right answer] [Cut to Vince Blight]
Vince Blight: That’s right. $5 for you. Courtney, you’re up next. Although, they recently split, we’ll never forget the whirl wind romance of Noah Cyrus [Cut to picture of Noah Cyrus and her boyfriend] and this American musician. What’s that name?
[Cut to Doug and Courtney]Courtney: Okay, I actually know this. It’s Lil’ Xan. [Ring for the right answer] [Cut to Vince Blight]
Vince Blight: That’s right. Five bucks to you. All right. Doug. This next question is for $250,000. And we’ve got a walk on clue. [Cut to the stage. The door opens and a couple comes to the stage]
Todd: Hey Doug, it’s me. I’m one of your closest friends.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: Hey, Todd.
[Cut to Todd and his girlfriend]Todd’s girlfriend: And I have been his girlfriend for four years. What’s my name?
[Cut to Doug]Doug: Hey, it’s great to see you.
[Cut to Todd and his girlfriend]Todd’s girlfriend: It’s great to see you. We’ve gone out to dinner 20 times. We’ve sat next to each other at multiple weddings. What’s my name?
Doug: Uh—
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: Doesn’t seem like you know her name.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: Of course I do. Of course I do. It’s Missy?
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: Audience?
[Cut to Todd and his girlfriend]Audience: Karen
Doug: Todd, I’m so sorry.
Vince Blight: Interesting choice to apologize to him. As opposed to her. I guess you just don’t consider her a human being.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: What kind of horrible game show is this?
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: It’s what’s that name. Courtney. You’re up next. And we’ve got another walk on clue.
[Cut to the stage. The door opens and a couple comes to the stage]Jake: Hey, it’s Jake from your advertising firm in which you are the only female partner.
Jake’s Wife: And I’m his wife. [Cut to Courtney, very disappointed] So, [Cut to Jake and Jake’s wife] we met at the holiday party and when I showed up, you gave me a big hug and said, “Thank god, I’m not the only woman here anymore”. Every time you see me, you say, “Hey, lady” or “Hey, mama”. What’s my name?
Courtney: Mama?
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: Oh, not going to cut it, mama. Audience?
[Cut to Jake and Jake’s wife]Audience: Allison.
Jake’s Wife: But, Lil’ Xan you know.
[Cut to Doug and Courtney]Doug: See, that’s even worse than me.
Vince Blight: How is that worse? Get all the cameras on him. Finish that thought, [Cut to Doug] Doug. It’s worse because –
Doug: Well, she’s a woman. So at a party, you think she would want to talk to the other wives.
[Cut to Doug and Courtney]Courtney: Other wives?
Vince Blight: She’s a god damn [Cut to Vince Blight] partner at the firm, buddy. Unreal. Round two.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: You know, I want to say something. I think you’re kind of a jerk.
Vince Blight: I think you’re a jerk.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: Why don’t you name all your friend’s wives?
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: Those guys? They don’t have wives. I roll with a crew of problematic bachelors and we call ourselves the squad. Let’s learn a little bit about our contestants. Shall we? Courtney, it says here that you’re a woman who doesn’t support other woman.
[Cut to Courtney]Courtney: That’s right.
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: Is there anything you would like to say to all the girls watching at home?
[Cut to Courtney]Courtney: Nope.
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: Gotcha. Doug, what would you say to all the young girls watching?
[Cut to Doug]Doug: I don’t know. You are as good as any man. [Wrong answer buzzer] [Cut to Vince Blight]
Vince Blight: Terrible.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: What would you say?
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: I wouldn’t say anything. Camera three, push it on me. I would listen. [Cut to Doug] [Cut to Vince Blight] It’s time for the final clue and this one is dealer’s choice. [Cut to the stage. The door opens and three women come to the stage.] No, you’re not seeing double. There’s three women there. Doug, these are three of your wife’s bridesmaids. [Cut to Vince Blight] And we know, you don’t know any of their names.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: That’s correct.
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: Okay. So here’s the deal. You pick the one you think you have got the best shot at.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: Um, middle one.
[Cut to three bridesmaids]Woman in the middle: Awe, thanks.
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: And because you are such a dumb donkey, we’re going to give you almost all the letters.
[Cut to three bridesmaids. The hint has first letter blank space and rest three letters are ‘ARA’.” [Cut to Doug]Doug: Can I have the first letter?
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: No. That would be all of them.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: Do I have to look at her while I guess?
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: Right in the eye. For $10 million. What’s that name?
[Cut to three bridesmaids]Doug: I am so sorry. Lara. [Wrong answer buzzer] Dara. [Wrong answer buzzer] Jara.
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: You think her name is Jara? [Wrong answer buzzer] [Cut to Doug]
Doug: Tara. [Wrong answer buzzer] Mara. [Wrong answer buzzer] Dara. [Wrong answer buzzer] [Cut to Vince Blight]
Vince Blight: Audience?
[Cut to three bridesmaids]Audience: Mara.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: I said Mara.
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: Yeah, but you didn’t know it.
[Cut to Doug]Doug: Hey, Vince Blake, why do you do this game? What’s it all for? What do you want?
[Cut to Vince Blight]Vince Blight: In a word, chaos. [Cut to the stage] And that’s the game. No winner, I guess. But stick around because Doug’s our guest on another game show, “Does the Housekeeper Have a Son?”
Doug: No she doesn’t.
Vince Blight: He’s 16 years old. Good night.
