Bits

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Garet… Chris Redd

Jake… Mikey Day

Steve… Pete Davidson

Beck Bennett

Ryan… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with guys watching a game]

Garet: Fourth quarter, here we go. Everybody good on drinks? Jake?

Jake: Oh, no man. I got work early tomorrow. I think I’m good.

Steve: Cut to you forty beers later being like, “Ah! Actually I think I’m gonna be using that sick day.”

[everyone laughing]

Beck: Yeah. Cut to your wife tomorrow morning being like, “Are you drunk?” And you’re like, “No. [making puking sound] ”

Garet: Oh, come on, man! It’s not a late hit.

Jake: I know. This league is so soft now. It’s ridiculous.

Ryan: Cut to he’s like, so drunk, he’s got a grenade launcher now. And he’s like, “Ah! Never mind the kids. Save the burritos!”

[Everybody are looking at Ryan confused.]

Steve: What?

Ryan: Just.. from earlier. Jake. He’s just like, so drunk.

Garet: A grenade launcher? Man, I want whatever Ryan’s smoking.

[everyone laughing]

Ryan: I was just messing.

Jake: I think I’m gonna grab those buffalo wings actually. I’m starving.

[music playing] [Everyone goes dark. The spotlight is on Ryan.]

Ryan: [singing] Why can’t I keep thе joke going?
(keep the joke going)
When I riff with my friends
I just slow things down
(slow things down)

I always jump in really confident
But nobody laughs at what I say

I try so hard
But what i say just doesn’t make sense
It sounds so good in my head
But then my energy is weird

I’m the guy who kills the bit
Kills the bit
Kills the bit

Yes, I’m always killing the bit
Killing the bit
Killing the bit

Now, once again, everybody’s laughing
I’d better say something cool and hilarious

[Cut back to everyone laughing and enjoying the game]

Ryan: Say… cut to, like, a giant mutated buffalo wing with boxing gloves, and it’s like, “In this corner, weighing in at a thousand pounds, Johnny buffalo!”

[Everyone is looking at him confused again]

Beck: What?

Ryan: The buffalo wings you guys were talking about…

Garet: That was, like, five minutes ago!

[all groan as Ryan spills the plate of wings.]

Beck: Oh, dude!

Jake: Okay…

Ryan: Guess Garett’s right. I want what I’m smoking!

Steve: Ryan, listen. We like you, man. You’re a great guy. So, I say this with love. You don’t have to be funny, man

Ryan: Alright, Steve!

Steve: No, seriously, man, it’s okay to just listen. You don’t have to add anything.

Ryan: Right. Cut to me making, like, a thousand more jokes.

Garet: I’m sorry. Am I missing something? What is this “cut to” thing?

Steve: Uh, we were doing it earlier. Maybe just give it a rest?

Beck: Yeah. I think we’re all a little “cut to”-ed out.

Ryan: For sure. Cut to… me making another “cut to” joke?

[All stare, then giggle a bit]

Garet: Okay, that’s not bad.

Jake: Yeah, that one was pretty good

[music playing]

Ryan: [singing] I’m the guy who nailed the bit
Nailed the bit
Nailed the bit

And now that I’ve proven myself
I’m finally just one of the guys

[Cut to the guys]

Ryan: Hey, Steve! Beer alert, think fast!

[Ryan throws the beer can at Steve and it hits him in the head.]

All: Oh!

Steve: Fuck!

Ryan: Oh, crap… I think I might just bounce.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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