Cheerleading Show

0
(0)

Heidi Gardner

Adam Driver

Kroy…Beck Bennett

Daisy… Chloe Fineman

Becky… Ego Nwodim

Cooper… Kenan Thompson

Tony… Bowen Yang

Meg… Kate McKinnon

Terra… Halsey

[Starts with Cheer introduction video]

Male voice: You’re watching ‘Cheer’. The new Netflix docu-series that has everyone asking, “Did you watch Cheer?”

[Cut to the locker room]

Heidi: Okay all, buckle up. We are 10 days out from the National Cheer Leading competition in Daytona.

Adam: And we know you all are shook coz a lot of this team is getting injured.

Heidi: Hey, we throw people ha-ha-high in the air and sometimes we drop-drop-drop them.

Adam: And it’s specially scary coz of what happened to Tara.

[Cut to a cheerleader stuck on the ceiling hole.] [Cut to Heidi and Adam]

But we are working on getting her down.

Heidi: Okay, I cannot stress this enough. In this sport, it’s the tiny girl’s job to fly and the gay guys must catch them.

Adam: You all gotta prove why you deserve to be on mat at Daytona. Coz you know you all aren’t gonna make it. Kroy, let’s start with you.

[Cut to the cheerleaders. Kroy has a broken arm.]

Kroy: I deserve to be here because we must, so we will. I was inspired by the quote I saw in the menu at Alpaca steak house that said, “There’s no such thing as being full.” I think about that erryday.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Adam: And did your arm pop out yesterday and go bo-yo-yoing yesterday?

[Cut to Kroy]

Kroy: Yes.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Heidi: Okay, and how does it feel now?

[Cut to Kroy]

Kroy: Yes!

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Heidi: Okay, so I can kind of see his bone.

Adam: Yeah, I’m kind of smelling his arm rot. But he knows the parts. Okay, Kroy, you’re on mat.

[Cut to the cheerleaders]

Kroy: Yes!

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Adam: Daisy, do you deserve to go to Daytona?

[Cut to Daisy. She is on crutches.]

Daisy: Yes. I go hard. In two years, my elbows will be gagged and my brain will be Swiss Cheese. But for now, I cheer.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Heidi: Okay, and Daisy, your ankle melted yesterday? Correct?

[Cut to Daisy]

Daisy: Yes, ma’am.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Adam: And what did you put on it?

[Cut to Daisy]

Daisy: Prayer.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Heidi: Okay, okay. The ankle is goo down there.

Adam: Yeah, it smells like soup.

Heidi: But she tumbles like a boy and she’s never had a mama, so we can mold her.

Adam: Daisy, you’re on mat!

[Cut to Daisy celebrating]

Daisy: Yes!

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Heidi: Okay, okay. Anyone else wanna make a case for themelves?

[Cut to Becky]

Becky: Yes. I just wanna say I deserve to be here because I’m a cheer-lebrity. Y’all know I’m the face of Stanky Leotards and chances are the tards you’re wearing are stankies!

[Cut to everybody. Becky shows her booty where it’s written ‘Stanky’.]

Heidi: Becky, why are you talking? You’re hot. You’re on now.

Kroy: Yes!

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Heidi: Alright. It’s down to the wire. And I’m making an executive decision. All of y’all are on mat.

[Cut to the cheerleaders celebrating] [Cut to Cooper]

Cooper: Oh, I’m on mat? I’ve never been on mat. I will not let you down.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Adam: No, Cooper. Not you. What did we tell you?

[Cut to Cooper]

Cooper: I’m always a maybe. I understand. Go team! [snaps and claps] [Cut to everybody] [a fellow cheerleader brings in Tony as his both legs are plastered.]

Tony: Do not worry about me. I’m okay. Cheer doctor says nothing is broken but nothing is connected.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Adam: But Tony, can we count on you to be on mat at Daytona?

[Cut to the cheerleaders]

Tony: Yes! I won’t be moving but I will be cheering nonsense the loudest.

[yelling] Chicken cheese and chips

Cheerleaders: Hoo-haa-haa!

[a fellow cheerleader brings in Mag on a wheelchair. She has all her body plastered.]

Adam: Meg, you’re back from the hospital. What happened?

[Cut to Meg]

Meg: Fine. I landed on my hut yesterday and I got stuck in my neck.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Heidi: Okay, Meg, we are two days off from Tona. Can you be on mat?

[Cut to Meg]

Meg: No.

[Cut to everybody. They cannot believe Meg just said no.]

Adam: Okay team. You know what that means?

[Cut to Cooper]

Cooper: I’m on mat.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Heidi: No, Cooper, you’re not on mat.

[Cut to Cooper]

Cooper: Understood. Good. And absolutely, do let me know to improve everyday.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Adam: Memphis, can you be on map?

[Cut to the cheerleaders]

Memphis: I can do anything you need.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Heidi: Can you do flips?

Memphis: No.

Adam: Can you life?

Memphis: No.

Adam: Do you know the coreo?

Memphis: No, haven’t been watching

Heidi: What have you been doing during practice?

Memphis: Facing the wall and thinking about the girls.

Heidi: Okay, so I think he’s just been playing with himself.

Adam: Yea, it seems like it. Yea.

[banging sound] [Cut to everybody]

Memphis: What’s going on?

[everybody looking around. Terra runs in.]

Kroy: You fell off the ceiling.

Terra: Yeah. God gave me back.

[Cut to Heidi and Adam]

Heidi: Okay. Cut to the chase. Terra, can you be on mat?

[Cut to Terra]

Terra: Let’s see. [Cut to everybody. Terra does the stunt.] Chicken cheese and chips!

Cheerleaders: Hoo-haa-haa. Yay!

[The End]

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of