Nick… Alex Moffat
[Starts with a short clip of New York city streets.]
Male voice: Meet Nick.
[Cut to Nick drinking coffee at home.]
Nick: And I’m late. Great!
Male voice: He hasn’t had the time to find the one until–
[Cut to Nick watching news.]
News reporter: New Yorkers are ordered to shelter in place until further notice.
Donald Trump: You know what? Staying at home leads to death also.
Nick: Great!
[Cut to Nick cleaning his apartment.]
Male voice: Fate intervened.
Nick: [on the phone] Well, my apartment’s clean again.
Bowen: Man, being single during quarantine sucks!
Nick: Tell me about it.
Bowen: I guess dating isn’t considered ‘essential.’ Alright, gotta run.
[Nick drops his cup and spills his drink]
Nick: Oh, dammit!
Male voice: Just when you think you’ll never find love, love finds you.
[someone whistles. Nick looks back. A guy is standing at the door. He’s just another version of him.]
Nick: Oh, hello. I’m Nick.
Guy: I know. I’ve seen you around.
Nick: And um– you like what you see?
Guy: Daddy likey. Daddy likey a mucho.
Male voice: Sometimes, all it takes is a global pandemic for a guy to finally fall in love.
[Cut to Nick and the guy in bed.]
Guy: Round two?
[Cut to Nick talking to Bowen on a videocall]
Nick: I’ve met someone. I don’t know, they’re pretty perfect. We have the same likes, dislikes, favorite foods.
Bowen: Wow!
Nick: I mean, same body, brain, soul, everything.
Bowen: Wait, what?
Nick: Gotta go.[hangs up]
Bowen: Oh, no.
Male voice: But sometimes, finding the one can get a little messy.
[Cut to Nick and the guy at the apartment. The guy is grabbing a beer.]
Nick: Oh, you’re having another one?
Guy: Yeah. Is there a problem?
Nick: No. It’s just noon.
Guy: Here we go.
[They start having an argument]
Male voice: Critics are calling it, “The best coronavirus rom-com of all time,” “The world’s first rom-cov,” “So relatable, it’s depressing.”
Guy: Oh, give me a break..
Nick: Don’t you– [Points at the guy, hurts his hand.] Ah! I think I have a carpal tunnel.
Guy: What?
Nick: I have to quarantine myself from you.
Guy: What? No.
[Nick walks into his room sobbing. He shuts the door and cries behind it.]
Guy: [knocking the door] Nick, let me in.
Nick: No, Nick. I don’t want to give this to you.
Guy: That’s not how carpal tunnel works. I–
Nick: You what?
Guy: I love you. Me. I love me.
Nick: [smiling] Say it again?
Guy: I love me.
Nick: I love me too.
[Nick opens the door.]
Guy: Daddy lovey amucho.
Male voice: Coming this Valentine’s Day. Wait, what month is it? May? Anyway, coming whenever, “Be My Quaran-tine?” Nice.
[Cut to Nick on his couch]
Nick: Okay, what do you want to watch?
Guy: You know. One, two, three.
Both: House Hunters International.
