Female voice: We spend so much on things we need. But what about the things we want?

Chris: I wanna better myself.

Ego: I wanna treat myself.

Heidi: I wanna enjoy myself.

Female voice: The things we buy to invest in our lives.

Ego: Oil paints.

Chris: An instrument to learn.

Heidi: An elliptical.

Female voice: The things that aren’t our to-do list, but about our bucket list.

Heidi: Rosetta Stone Italian.

Ego: An ice cream maker.

Chris: Roller skates.

Female voice: Well’ you’ve been home eight months and you didn’t touch them once. So, now you have to sell them with eBay.

Heidi: I spent $80 on embroidery equipment back in March. But then I just stared at my phone and I looked up and now it’s October.

Ego: I’ve always wanted to cook more. So, I bought a $400 chef’s knife I only use to open my Amazon packages.

Chris: Guitars hurt. No one tells you that. I don’t like feeling hurt.

Female voice: You always wish for more free time so you could get around them. And then you were quarantined. And instead of reading “The Odyssey,” you watched every episode of “Selling Sunset”. So, now you know.

Chris: I thought I wanted to learn how to box to help me connect with my deceased father. Turns out I actually want to lay on the couch and watch women lose their damn minds.

Female voice: So, go ahead and sell that stuff. And not to worry, if you find yourself buying something new on our site, eBay’s making it easier than ever to bail hard with our new service “PreBay”, where we intercept your latest overly optimistic purchase and take it right back before you even open it. Look, you had your chance and all the time in the world. Don’t be shy. If you admit that it’s unused, you’ll make more money. eBay, this commercial doesn’t apply to you if you worked or had kids. Oh, my pasta maker is here.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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