Sharon… Issa Rae
Dwayne… Chris Redd
Clifford… Kenan Thompson
Karate man… Pete Davidson
Robot… Bowen Yang
Crystal… Punkie Johnson
Sharon: I guess the waiter forgot to give us menus.
Dwayne: Oh, no. The menu’s on the barcode thing. You just go and take a picture of it and it pops on your phone.
Sharon: Oh. That’s convenient.
Dwayne: Right? I take you haven’t been out on any dates since COVID?
Sharon: Not really. But then, I didn’t really date much before COVID either.
Dwayne: Really? That’s surprising.
Sharon: Yes. I don’t have the best luck with guys. They all end up crazy.
Dwayne: Oh. So, what’s your type?
Sharon: Not you.
Dwayne: Damn!
Sharon: No, no. I didn’t mean it like that. That came out wrong. I meant I don’t usually date guys who take me to fancy places like this. This is really nice.
Dwayne: Oh. Well, I’m happy I could show you something different.
Sharon: Me too.
Dwayne: You know, what’s really good is this crab ravioli. It comes in this cream, right.
[a guy walks in with a roses in his hand. He looks poor.]
Clifford: Sharon?
Sharon: Oh, god.
Clifford: Sharon, that is you, girl.
Sharon: Hey, Clifford.
Clifford: You are looking good. Um. Um. Um. I see you. Got them yams all out. Um-hmm. Toes looking all pretty. Titty meat popping out.
Sharon: Clifford, I’m kind of busy right now.
Clifford: Oh, oh, my bad. I don’t mean to intrude.
Sharon: Well, you are.
Clifford: Okay, okay. Live your life, girl. Live your life. But it is good to see you. Here you go. Um, um, um. [Clifford pours wine on Sharon’s glass] The one that got away.
Sharon: Good bye, Clifford.
Clifford: Oh. Alright. Ay, bro, she is the woman, alright? Don’t mess it up like I did.
Dwayne: Okay.
Clifford: [handing over the rose] Hey, you want to buy this flower?
[Dwayne is reaching over to his wallet]
Sharon: You don’t have to do that. Bye, Clifford.
Clifford: Why you hating on my business? Okay, fine.
Sharon: I am so sorry about that.
Dwayne: No, it’s cool. You know him or something?
Sharon: Yeah, we sort of kind of dated for a while.
Dwayne: Like, when ya’ll were kids?
Sharon: No. We used to work together. Anyway, so the ravioli in the cream sauce?
Dwayne: The what now?
Sharon: The crab ravioli.
Dwayne: Oh, yes.
[a guys wearing a karate gee walks in shouting]
Karate man: I will burn this whole place to the ground. [looks at Sharon] Sharon? You girl?
Sharon: You gotta be kidding. Hey, karate man.
Dwayne: Karate man?
Karate man: Konichiwa, girl. Look at you. Legs all out like pa-dow! Titty meat like Ka-ram!
Dwayne: Yo, my man.
Karate man: Karate man.
Dwayne: Okay, karate man. Do you mind? We on a date right now.
Karate man: A date? So, that’s how you living now, Sharon?
Sharon: Karate man, what do you want from me? You said you wanted your space so I gave it to you.
Karate man: You right, you right. But losing you is my only regret.
Dwayne: You only have one regret?
Karate man: Anyway, I’ll go. I don’t mean to ruin your feng shui.
Sharon: Well, you are.
Karate man: Take care of her, man. [whispering] She likes her butt slapped.
Sharon: I am so sorry. Wow. Two exes on a row. What are the odds?
Dwayne: And he broke up with you?
Sharon: I wish. He just ghosted me. Maybe we should just go inside?
Dwayne: We can’t. They’re like, 2% capacity. Where are you meeting these dudes?
Sharon: Oh. Work, mostly. Look, I don’t want to talk about them. Tell me about you. What do you do?
Dwayne: Well, I just made partner at the law firm I work at. First person.
[Another guy who is fully painted like a statue walks in]
Robot: Is that Sharon?
Sharon: Don’t look.
Dwayne: That’s another one?
Robot: That is Sharon. I see you tryna’ hide from me, girl, acting like that. I’d recognize that titty meat anywhere.
Sharon: Oh, hey, Robot. It’s been a while.
Robot: Remember my dog, Astro? I see you got a little chocolate daddy now, too. I ain’t mad at you, girl.
Dwayne: What the hell did he call me?
Robot: Look, I ain’t got time to flap gums. I’m late for a protest. They’re trying to close down the peep world on 8th avenue. Hey, you using them dinner rolls? I need some carbs.
Sharon: Just take them, Robot.
Robot: Well, I’ll see you around, sugar foot
Dwayne: Okay, tell me you didn’t date him too.
Sharon: No. He was just a work friend. But we’ve had a lot of sex.
Dwayne: Ew. Where the hell do you work?
Sharon: Just around the corner. I told you. I’m an Elsa.
Dwayne: An Elsa?
Sharon: Yes. I’m a Time Square Elsa. First woman of color, by the way.
Dwayne: Okay, you definitely never told me that.
Sharon: Remember? I said I was a princess?
Dwayne: I thought you just meant your dad was rich.
Sharon: Look, I’m sorry if this is all too weird. Maybe I should just leave.
Dwayne: No, no, no. Wait. Look, I’m not going to judge you based off your past. Let’s just forget all that and start over. Deal?
[a very unhygienic looking woman walks in]
Crystal: Dwayne? Is that you, Dwayne?
Dwayne: Oh, hey, Crystal.
Crystal: Who is this bitch?
Dwayne: Are you drunk?
