Kenan Thompson
Bill Burr
Chris Redd
Heidi Gardner
Ego Nwodim
Chloe Fineman
Beck Bennett
Pete Davidson
[Starts with short clips of the show]Male voice: North Carolina come on down to the Raleigh Praise Center to catch the opening weekend of Kim Fitzgerald’s new play, ‘God, don’t let Whitey take the house’. The Cole’s are a good Christian family.
Kenan: Now, y’all kids know you ain’t got nothing that can touch your temptations.
[Kenan starts laughing]Male voice: Watch as they take not one, not two but all the white devils for this epic three night event. Enjoy all your favorites like Chet Roth as evil white landlord “Merriwether Windbanks”.
Merriwether Windbanks: Now you give me that rented A or you and your family have to be homeless.
Kenan: [yelling] Why?
Male voice: The Coles are gonna beg but Whitey just don’t give a damn.
Kenan: [speaking on the phone] I collect all orders from Jesus.
Male voice: But no worries. God’s got their back and he’s willing. Returning to the stage, we have stunning Charlotte Amory as Mrs. Baker, the guidance counselor.
[Cut to Mrs. Baker and Ego at school.]Mrs. Baker: You expect me to believe he got these scores with no help?
Ego: He did have help, from Jesus!
Male voice: Introducing Topher Beatty as a devious white mayor ‘Williams Kingsbury’.
[Cut to Williams Kingsbury and Derome at veranda]Derome: You can’t just come in here and take the house that my daddy built.
Williams Kingsbury: Derome, is it? Son, I’m the mayor of this town and I’m rezoning this property for a haunted house. But there is a way for you to stop the construction.
Derome: What is it? Whatever it is, I know god will help make it happen.
Williams Kingsbury: I want you to sleep with my wife while I watch.
Derome: Now you know I can’t do that. I’m a Christian man.
Williams Kingsbury: Boys! Tear it down.
[Bulldozer sound]Derome: [crying] Jesus!
Male voice: New comers Tanesha Jenkins and Rebecca Longfellow blaze the staze.
[Cut to Tanesha and Rebecca at an office.]Rebecca: Why can’t I have the job, Ms. Waterberry? I need it to save my momma’s house.
Tanesha: It’s your butt. It’s too much.
Rebecca: [looking at her own butt] Damn!
Male voice: And you know you don’t want to miss Saturday’s matinee. For Kenan night only, SNL’s Pete Davidson joins the cast as 90’s R&B star John B.
Pete: [singing] Don’t listen to what people say
I know I’m white, but I go to black barber shop, I love church, and I got my own business doing yacht work. Will you marry me?
Ego: Yes! Thank you Jesus.
[Williams Kingsbury walks in]Williams Kingsbury: Not so fast.
[gunshot sound]Male voice: Don’t be the only person who doesn’t know how it all goes down. “God, don’t let whity take the house.]
