Hailstorm

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Ego Nwodim

Alex Moffat

Rachel… Heidi Gardner

Jean… Kate McKinnon

Rudolph… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with News Center 5 Albany intro] [Cut to Ego and Alex at their news set]

Ego: Alright. Welcome back to Center 5 Albany. From the coronavirus to the red onion recall, there’s been a lot of difficult news this year.

Alex: And last night was no exception. When a sudden hailstorm hit the nearby town of Pebble Falls.

[Cut to

Ego: On any other day, Pebble Falls is a quaint town with the motto, “Come fro the ice cream, stay for the big Wooden Nickel”.

Alex: And never did citizens think their town would be the site of a freak once in a century natural event, a massive hailstorm that left them running for cover.

[Cut to Rachel, a local shopper]

Rachel: We’ve had crazy weather before but not like this. They were like golf balls.

[Cut to Jean, Wooden Nickel employee.]

Jean: The hail was coming down from the sky. It was like golf balls.

[Cut to Rudolph who works with Jean.]

Rudolph: And me, I found it to be similar to golf balls.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Alex: Wow. That sounds scary. So, what happened?

[Cut to Rachel]

Rachel: Well, I was driving and they started hitting my car.

[Cut to Jean]

Jean: I was closing up shop at the Wood Nickel which is the place where I work.

[Cut to Rudolph]

Rudolph: And I was helping her because I also work at the Nickel. And then all of a sudden, the skies open up hail out of nowhere.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Ego: Now, Jean and Rudolph, it sounds like you had a harrowing experience trying to get indoors.

[Cut to Jean]

Jean: Oh, that’s right. The hail was coming down so hard and we were grabbing on to each other. We could barely see anything.

[Cut to Rudolph]

Rudolph: And then finally we made it up to Jean’s porch and we looked at each other, and we were standing there and… we kissed. On the lips.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Ego: Okay. It sounds like an emotional day. What happened next with the hail?

[Cut to split screen with Jean and Rudolph]

Jean: Well, at that point, the rain had started. And the water level was rising in the streets.

Rudolph: And I remember talking to Jean and saying, “Jean, we kissed.”

Jean: And we sort of pulled away like… [shocked expression] And I was like, “Okay, that happened.”

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Ego: Yeah. And hailstorm wise, at that point, Jean, water was going into your house. Were you scared?

[Cut to Jean]

Jean: Yes. Oh, my. I was terrified. We were holding each other for safety. And his hand wound up on my breast. And it was a friend’s hand. And then at some point, it became a lover’s hand.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Ego: Yeah, okay. We are asking about the flood, though.

[Cut to split screen with Jean and Rudolph]

Rudolph: Okay. And then a rescue crew came and put blankets on us. And I thought, “I’m under blanket with Jean.” And then she turned around and then, well, that was kiss number two.

Jean: Yes. And I opened my mouth for this one.

Rudolph: You know, if I had a nickel for every time we kissed under that blanket, I would have about 45 cent.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Ego: Okay, yeah. Why don’t we turn back to Rachel. Rachel, how were you affected by the events of yesterday?

[Cut to Rachel]

Rachel: Well, my life was absolutely turned up side down.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Ego: Okay. Thank you. Say more.

[Cut to Rachel]

Rachel: Well, you know, they were both my friends and now they’re kissing? Wow! I mean, I’m not sure how I feel about it but check back with me about that please.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Ego: Yeah, we’re definitely not going to do that. So, Jean, Rudolph, can you give us an update on this aftermath? How are things now?

[Cut to Jean]

Jean: We’ve been texting.

[Rudolph walks in]

Rudolph: A lot.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Ego: Oh, you’re together.

[Cut to Jean and Rudolph]

Jean: Oh, well, we’re not together. We haven’t have that conversation yet. It’s kind of hard to have that on television.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Alex: Yeah, Jean, we’re not asking you to.

[cut to Jean and Rudolph]

Jean: But since you asked us to I guess, [Jean turns to Rudolph] I don’t know. What do you think?

Rudolph: Oh, what do you think?

Jean: Rudolph. Please.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Alex: Several people in your town are missing. Have you been a part of those search efforts?

[Cut to Jean and Rudolph. They’re looking into each other’s eyes.]

Jean: No. I’m done searching

Rudolph: Yes. We have found what we were looking for.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Alex: And Rudolph, I understand your wife is missing?

Rudolph: Is that right?

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Alex: Yes. She is.

[Cut to Jean and Rudolph]

Rudolph: Probably dead, though.

[Cut back to Ego and Alex]

Alex: Okay. Thank you Rudolph and Jean. Two coworkers who found something more.

Ego: Don’t you try that with me.

[Ego and Alex start flirting. Then they lean to kiss.]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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