Let Kids Drink

[Starts with a message video]

Male voice: The following is a public service announcement.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: [singing] Well, Mother’s day is Sunday

Cecily: Father’s day is in June

Chris: Facts!

Beck: It’s been a hard ass time for families

Aidy: We’re like the animals in the zoo

Chris: Trapped.

Cecily: Parents need some help these days

Mikey: Kids could use some too.

Chris: Help.

Kenan: So given the special circumstance
We’re gonna introduce a special rule

All: Let kids drink

Beck: Just like Mom and Dad

Cecily: If they got a little buzz on,
would it really be that bad?

Chloe: Let kids drink

Chris: Tiny drinks

Chloe: Just a couple sips

Chris: full drinks

Ego: They’ll be happier and funnier
and they’ll fall asleep by 6

Aidy: They used to give kids whiskey
To help them fall asleep

Chris: That’s history

Aidy: So a teeny-tiny Whiteclaw
Is just a babysitter on the cheap

Chris: Economics

Beck: They let kids in France drink wine
A bottle or two a day

Chris: We asked child services
And they said it was okay

All: Let kids drink

Chloe: It’s not like they can drive

Kenan: Except that one kid on the news
Who drove when he was five

All: Just one drink

Chris: One drink

Beck: Two if they’ve been good

Ego: Babies look drunk anyway

Aidy: They burp and puke just like I would

Cecily: Kids are quite resilient
And they always bounce right back

Chris: Bouncy castle

Beck: And it’s not like they’ll get blackout
Drinking half of our six-pack

Chris: Wait, what?

Kenan: They’ve watched us drink a hundred drinks
And smoke a little weed

Chris: Daddy’s medicine

Cecily: So turn that Shirley Temple
into an Ina Garten martini

Kids: Let us drink
It’s really only fair
Like our parents always say
It’s 5 o’-clock somewhere

Josh Gad (Olaf): Give kids drinks
Disney says it’s fine
Wait, what is this?
And now here’s a bedtime story
It’s vodka soda lime


Pete: [to his mom] Let me drink
I hate that I have to ask

Pete’s mom: You can have milk.

Pete: All I want is a drink and a shot
and a little pills and crack

Cecily: Let dogs drink
They’re smarter nicer kids
Once a day let’s fill their bowl
with a cold refreshing spritz

Beck: And let guys drink
guys can drink alone
We can drink alone inside the shed
And say we’re on the phone

Aidy: Beck, are you okay?

Beck: [annoyed] Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just- I’m on the phone!

Little girl: Someone get that guy a drink

Beck: Totally, he gets it.
Let kids drink

All: Let kids drink
Children are the future
and right now the future stinks
Let kids drink

give them booze

Kenan: And behalf of all us parents,
I say kids, cheers to you

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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