Madden 21


JJ Watt

Mikey Day

Ego Nwodim

[Starts with a recording session in Electronic Arts office.]

Mikey Dad: Okay, Mr. Watt, can you hear me in your headphones?

JJ Watt: Yes, sir.

Mikey Dad: Alright, perfect. Let’s jump in, JJ. Um, you’ve recorded dialogues for the Madden video games before, ya?

JJ Watt: Ya. It’s pretty crazy you guys are already working on Madden 21.

Ego Nwodim: Yep, gotta have it ready for the next NFL season.

Mikey Dad: Yeah, we’re gonna start with some game-play dialog. You’ve got a script right there.

JJ Watt: [showing the script] Awesome! And this is like, the stuff that we do on the field during the game, right?

Mikey Dad: Yep, this section is. So, give it some energy. We’ll play some crowd noise to help get you there. Your lines are numbered. So, you’ll start with line A-1, okay? Let’s do this.

JJ Watt: Alright. [crowd noise playing in the background] [reading the script] Take a seat!

Mikey Dad: Great! Next one down, A-2.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] Here comes the boom!

Mikey Dad: Love it. A-3.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] Dammit! I couldn’t catch that guy!

Mikey Dad: Okay. Next.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] Dang it! He outsported me.

Mikey Dad: Nice. A-5.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] Oops!

Mikey Dad: Great! A-6.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] Sorry, guys!

Mikey Dad: Awesome! A-7.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] Oopsies!

Mikey Dad: Nice! A-8.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] Intercept! Oh! Never mind. Dropped it.

Mikey Dad: Perfect. A-9.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] Sorry boys. That one’s on me.

Mikey Dad: Nice. A-ten.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] Captain clumsy strikes again.

Mikey Dad: And A-eleven.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] God! I suck today!

Mikey Dad: Nice. You are a pro, JJ.

JJ Watt: Thanks, man! But, I mean, it kind of sounds like video game JJ Watt Messes Up a Lot.

Ego Nwodim: No, the designers like to cover all their basis.

JJ Watt: But, like, I do good things too, right? I mean, I’m a top ranked defensive end. Like, I’m good. Is that gross to say?

Mikey Dad: Um, a little bit, yeah. But, um, it’s all good.

Ego Nwodim: So, moving to that next chunk starting with “Y’all see that sack.”

JJ Watt: Oh, fine. I like that one. Here we go.

Mikey Dad: Okay, whenever you’re ready.

JJ Watt: [reading the script] Y’all see that sack? I hope our quarterback’s okay. This other team is good!

Mikey Dad: Nice!

JJ Watt: So, on that one, like, was that me on the sidelines watching the other team?

Mikey Dad: Yeah, cuts over to the sidelines, super realistic. Um, moving on.

Ego Nwodim: Okay, this one’s in a way crowd booing you. So, you’re taunting them. Line B-2.

JJ Watt: Alright, this is awesome. I can do this one. Here we go. [reading the script] Go ahead and boo me! At least I’m not on a wheelchair like that little boy right there. [JJ Watt doesn’t like the scripts]

Mikey Dad: Great! We got that one.

JJ Watt: Wait! What? Dude, I would never say that. That’s awful, man!

Mikey Dad: Alright, we’ll flag that one for ya.

JJ Watt: Ya, please flag it. Are you sure these are the same as they did in Madden 21? It feels like they don’t know me, like, at all!

Mikey Dad: Um, I’m sure you can talk to them about any concerns, okay? We are starting at line B-4 now. Stuff you say in the huddle.

JJ Watt: Alright. [reading the script] No one responded to my birthday drinks paperless posts, so I’m probably just gonna cancel like the bitch I am. [getting annoyed] I mean, do other players say stuff like this?

Mikey Dad: Um, each player’s dialogue is written specifically for them. Um, moving on to section C, buddy. Dialog after a win. C-1, whenever you’re ready.

JJ Watt: Alright. [reading the script] That’s how you do it, fellas. Suck on that wheelchair boy! [annoyed] God! I mean, guys, I do not like this wheelchair kid stuff. What is this?

Mikey Dad: Okay. Um, guess we can skip the rest of this section then.

Ego Nwodim: Yeah, you got it. Okay, last one for the cut scene at the end of the season.

JJ Watt: Alright. [reading the script] Whoo! I’m going to the Super Bowl, baby! My wife’s company got tickets… [annoyed] Guys! Flag that!

Mikey Dad: We will flag that. Um, we burned through those. Nice. Before you go, you wanna see your Madden 21 avatar?

JJ Watt: Oh, hell yeah!

[A screen shows JJ Watt’s Madden 21 avatar. His face is crooked, his shirt is small and his belly is tucked out of the shirt. He looks ugly.]

What? That’s me? Why is my bellybutton pierced? I don’t have a bellybutton piercing.

Mikey Dad: Um, yeah. Not sure but we’re making notes. And this is your touchdown celebration dance.

[The avatar in the screen is now flush dancing.]

JJ Watt: Well, finally they got something right.

Mikey Dad: Ya.

[The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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