JJ Watt
Mikey Day
Ego Nwodim
[Starts with a recording session in Electronic Arts office.]Mikey Dad: Okay, Mr. Watt, can you hear me in your headphones?
JJ Watt: Yes, sir.
Mikey Dad: Alright, perfect. Let’s jump in, JJ. Um, you’ve recorded dialogues for the Madden video games before, ya?
JJ Watt: Ya. It’s pretty crazy you guys are already working on Madden 21.
Ego Nwodim: Yep, gotta have it ready for the next NFL season.
Mikey Dad: Yeah, we’re gonna start with some game-play dialog. You’ve got a script right there.
JJ Watt: [showing the script] Awesome! And this is like, the stuff that we do on the field during the game, right?
Mikey Dad: Yep, this section is. So, give it some energy. We’ll play some crowd noise to help get you there. Your lines are numbered. So, you’ll start with line A-1, okay? Let’s do this.
JJ Watt: Alright. [crowd noise playing in the background] [reading the script] Take a seat!
Mikey Dad: Great! Next one down, A-2.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] Here comes the boom!
Mikey Dad: Love it. A-3.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] Dammit! I couldn’t catch that guy!
Mikey Dad: Okay. Next.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] Dang it! He outsported me.
Mikey Dad: Nice. A-5.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] Oops!
Mikey Dad: Great! A-6.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] Sorry, guys!
Mikey Dad: Awesome! A-7.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] Oopsies!
Mikey Dad: Nice! A-8.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] Intercept! Oh! Never mind. Dropped it.
Mikey Dad: Perfect. A-9.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] Sorry boys. That one’s on me.
Mikey Dad: Nice. A-ten.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] Captain clumsy strikes again.
Mikey Dad: And A-eleven.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] God! I suck today!
Mikey Dad: Nice. You are a pro, JJ.
JJ Watt: Thanks, man! But, I mean, it kind of sounds like video game JJ Watt Messes Up a Lot.
Ego Nwodim: No, the designers like to cover all their basis.
JJ Watt: But, like, I do good things too, right? I mean, I’m a top ranked defensive end. Like, I’m good. Is that gross to say?
Mikey Dad: Um, a little bit, yeah. But, um, it’s all good.
Ego Nwodim: So, moving to that next chunk starting with “Y’all see that sack.”
JJ Watt: Oh, fine. I like that one. Here we go.
Mikey Dad: Okay, whenever you’re ready.
JJ Watt: [reading the script] Y’all see that sack? I hope our quarterback’s okay. This other team is good!
Mikey Dad: Nice!
JJ Watt: So, on that one, like, was that me on the sidelines watching the other team?
Mikey Dad: Yeah, cuts over to the sidelines, super realistic. Um, moving on.
Ego Nwodim: Okay, this one’s in a way crowd booing you. So, you’re taunting them. Line B-2.
JJ Watt: Alright, this is awesome. I can do this one. Here we go. [reading the script] Go ahead and boo me! At least I’m not on a wheelchair like that little boy right there. [JJ Watt doesn’t like the scripts]
Mikey Dad: Great! We got that one.
JJ Watt: Wait! What? Dude, I would never say that. That’s awful, man!
Mikey Dad: Alright, we’ll flag that one for ya.
JJ Watt: Ya, please flag it. Are you sure these are the same as they did in Madden 21? It feels like they don’t know me, like, at all!
Mikey Dad: Um, I’m sure you can talk to them about any concerns, okay? We are starting at line B-4 now. Stuff you say in the huddle.
JJ Watt: Alright. [reading the script] No one responded to my birthday drinks paperless posts, so I’m probably just gonna cancel like the bitch I am. [getting annoyed] I mean, do other players say stuff like this?
Mikey Dad: Um, each player’s dialogue is written specifically for them. Um, moving on to section C, buddy. Dialog after a win. C-1, whenever you’re ready.
JJ Watt: Alright. [reading the script] That’s how you do it, fellas. Suck on that wheelchair boy! [annoyed] God! I mean, guys, I do not like this wheelchair kid stuff. What is this?
Mikey Dad: Okay. Um, guess we can skip the rest of this section then.
Ego Nwodim: Yeah, you got it. Okay, last one for the cut scene at the end of the season.
JJ Watt: Alright. [reading the script] Whoo! I’m going to the Super Bowl, baby! My wife’s company got tickets… [annoyed] Guys! Flag that!
Mikey Dad: We will flag that. Um, we burned through those. Nice. Before you go, you wanna see your Madden 21 avatar?
JJ Watt: Oh, hell yeah!
[A screen shows JJ Watt’s Madden 21 avatar. His face is crooked, his shirt is small and his belly is tucked out of the shirt. He looks ugly.]What? That’s me? Why is my bellybutton pierced? I don’t have a bellybutton piercing.
Mikey Dad: Um, yeah. Not sure but we’re making notes. And this is your touchdown celebration dance.
[The avatar in the screen is now flush dancing.]JJ Watt: Well, finally they got something right.
Mikey Dad: Ya.
[The End]