Message from Gov. Whitmer

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Gretchen Whitmer… Cecily Strong

[Starts with a video message: “And now a message from Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer.] [Cut to Gretchen Whitmer at a park]

Gretchen Whitmer: Hey, there. I’m Michigan governor, Cecily. It might surprise you to be hearing from me, some smoke shell mid-western governor nobody heard about till couple of weeks ago. But governors are kind of having a moment right now. And while all other govs get cool nicknames like, Daddy Cuomo and Gavin ‘Choke Me’ King. New some, Trump refers to me as ‘That woman from Michigan.’ But I’m not offended. Because I am proud to be from Michigan and t’hat woman’ is also what Trump calls his wife. [she drinks beer] Um-hmm. Yeah. I’m nursing all the bats. Because even though most freaking governors are laying down restrictions because of the virus, mine are somehow too far. Now, you may have heard about the protestors, say, gathered in the streets of our capital for Ted Nugent cast play last week. Look, people. It’s ‘live free or die,’ not ‘live free and die.’ And Trump advisor Steven Morris comparing these protestors to Rosa Parks. Yeah. If Rosa Parks was fighting for her right to get hit by a bus! Sorry, that’s little bats talking.

But I support all Americans and Michiganders freedom of speech. So, if you got to protest, here are some tips on how to do it safely. Number one, stay home. I promise you can call me a bitch from the safety of your couch. It’s called Twitter! So, if you messed it outside, maintain proper social distancing. That means six feet apart at all times. So, if the tip of your AK-47 can touch the tip of your buddy’s AK, back up. And please, wear face masks. But not a joker mask. And not a clown mask. Absolutely no masks that come with the hard.

Now, like you, I have heard the rumors that I’m on the shortlist to be Joe Biden’s vice president. The VPs veep. Because if it’s gonna be a woman, it might as well be bat woman. But my sole priority is my home state because we’re not out of the woods. We never will be. We live at Michigan. And to anyone that stand in the way of the health and safety of my constituents, I’ll remind you, the Michigan is a mitten, right? [showing her palm] And this is where I live. [showing her middle finger.]

Oh, damn, they’re throwing dog crap at my car. [yelling] Knock it off! I’ll throw it back! I did it last time too. You know I will.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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