OJ Simpson… Kenan Thompson
[Starts with a screen capture of someone using Twitter. There he sees OJ Simpson’s video and plays it.]
[Cut to OJ Simpson’s video. He is holding a golf stick in his hand. He is outside the door of a house.]
OJ Simpson: Hey, Twitter. It’s me, America’s dad, OJ Simpson. I just want to send a big shoutout to my man Lauren Michaels and the whole gang over at SNL for doing another SNL at home. I know y’all thought y’all only gonna do one, and then you realized you had to do another one. Trust me, I can relate. But I’m glad that y’all are doing it because everybody could use a good laugh these days. People are just too uptight and paranoid. You know, just the other day, I took my mask off in a grocery store for two seconds. And you would have thought that I had killed somebody. Some lady screamed at me. “Nobody wants you here. You shouldn’t be out.” Which I understand the point. I mean, at my age I am at risk for the virus. But she had to throw a damn coffee at my face. Boy, people make me so mad sometimes. I just– [breathes out and throws his golf stick away]
Anyway, so, now I’m following all the rules. You ain’t got to worry about the juice. I got my gloves, [showing golf gloves] that’s right. And I got my mask. [showing hockey mask] So, there’s no reason to hate me. Okay?
[horn honking]
Stranger: You’re a monster, OJ.
OJ Simpson: Hey, you know it, my friend. He must have saw my drive over on 14. As I was saying, don’t worry about the juice, alright? I’m gonna be fine. I mean, even if I did get corona, you know I’ll beat it. I can beat anything. Well, I might not want to go that far. I mean, just my luck. I get the corona and beat it, and then I get taken out later on down the line by a lesser more harmless disease that was mine in the first place and I was just taking it back! Boy, just thinking about getting stick makes me so mad I could just–
But anyway, remember to follow me on tiktok. Yeah, there’s fun little alibies of me goofing around. Ha-ha-ha. Alright, the juice is loose. And hey, Lauren, ease up on my boy Trump, man. He’s a good guy. Am I right?
