Quarantine Delivery

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Ego Nwodim

[Starts with Ego Nwodim in her house]

Ego: Hey, guys. I’m back. And is it just me or is quarantine actually kind of fun? I am loving finding you brilliant ways to be resourceful while lockdown. So, if You don’t have disinfectant wipes or alcohol or bleach, how do you disinfect the packages that come in to your house from say, Amazon? I’ve got the perfect solution for you.

[wears surgical gloves]

We got gloves. And again, if you don’t have gloves, you can always wash your hands after following the steps in this video. In fact, even if you do have gloves, you should wash you hands. Then, your gloves are on, you wanna retrieve the package. [doorbell ringing] He’s out there and he’s covered in germs.

[showing the package] Got my Amazon package. I would tell you what’s in it but it’s none of your business. Then, after you have your gloves on, you’re gonna want packing tape. Just hang on to that, put it over to the side. You can actually use any kind of tape. Packing tape, I like how wide it is. It’s one of the wider tapes. I feel like duct tape would be as effective. So, if that’s what you got, use your duct tape. Then, you’re gonna want to take a writing implement, piece of paper, any piece of paper, kind of large is better, and write “This is trash!!!” Take your tape, stick it to your package and put it outside. You know, it could say anything. You know, it could say, “I don’t want this. It has germs on it.” Return to sender. Burn this! The whole thing is to get that box out of your house coz it’s covered in germs.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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