Rap Roundtable

5
(1)

Nunya Bizness… Ego Nwodim

Ms. Queen Latifah… Punkie Johnson

Questlove

GuapLord… Pete Davidson

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta… Timothée Chalamet

[Starts with XXL Rap RoundTable video bumper]
[Cut to Nunya Bizness in the set.]

Nunya Bizness: What’s up and welcome to XXL 2020 for the culture RoundTable. I’m Nunya Bizness and today, we’ve got a distinguish panel to celebrate the unstoppable global force that is hiphop today. First up, a pioneer and trail blazer, Ms. Queen Latifah.

Ms. Queen Latifah: Okay, I see you. Ladies first. Uh-huh. I like that.

Nunya Bizness: Next up, we got hiphop historian DJ and legendary drummer of the Roots Crew, Questlove.

Questlove: Thank you. Thank you. Happy to be here, Nunya. Thank you.

Nunya Bizness: And finally, fresh off breaking the record for most streams on SoundCloud, rap duo Xam Mob, a.k.a. Gwap Lord and SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta.

GuapLord: Yee, yee. Skrri, skrri.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Say yee!

GuapLord: Yee!

Nunya Bizness: Thank you all. Thank you all. Let’s get started. It’s 2020. What does hiphop represent today?

Ms. Queen Latifah: I mean, at this point, it’s the culture. Period. We took over the world with the power of our sound.

Questlove: Absolutely. From the block parties of the 80s in the Boogie Down Bronx, to the protest movements of today, hiphop is about the lyrical tradition of America.

GuapLord: Nah. See, like, for me, foe me, it’s about that yee-yee!

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Nah, I feel like yee. Somewhat.

Nunya Bizness: I’m sorry. The yee? Could you say more?

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Um, when she skrr on you, you just gotta yee on her.

GuapLord: Yeah. Like, yee-yee. Groor! Groor!

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: That’s hiphop.

GuapLord: On gong!

Nunya Bizness: Right. Well, the two confident white boys raise an interesting point. The sound has changed.

Ms. Queen Latifah: I mean, has it though? At the end of the day, it’s still drum and bass. Still an MC.

Questlove: Queen’s right. The MC is what sets hiphop apart. The poetry. The story. The truth.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Yeah, I feel that. But, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, what about the yee?

Nunya Bizness: I’m sorry. You’re going to have to speak in full setences.

GuapLord: I got you. You know, like, when she got that thang all up in your face, you’re not gonna yee?

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Bro! Yeah, men gotta yee! On your face!

Nunya Bizness: Okay. We’re talking about music.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: I feel that. But the yee got it boy. Like, I’m talking about my boy Tash from way back. He got Gwap. I’m like, “Damn, man!”

GuapLord: Skrr, skrr.

Nunya Bizness: Okay. I can’t make heads or tails of this nonsense.

Questlove: Okay. I think we’re on the same page here. You’re talking about the party side of hiphop. Like the dancing, the yee’ting.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Hold up. You ever seen Yo Gaba Gaba?

Questlove: Yeah. One episode like, 10 years ago.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Damn bro. Respect. You’re a legend for that one, fam.

GuapLord: Damn. That’s the woop-tie.

Nunya Bizness: No, it’s not. It’s not the woop-tie. Stop.

Ms. Queen Latifah: You know, I’m just very, very curious. Like, what got ya’ll into this? Who are your influences?

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: I like Fall Out Boys.

Nunya Bizness: How about rappers?

GuapLord: I would like to say the Car Rats.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: I like Car Rats.

Ms. Queen Latifah: Who are Car Rats?

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Remember? The rats were rapping and driving in a commercial?

Questlove: Wait. You mean the Kia hamsters?

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Yee, yee, yee.

GuapLord: Skrr. Skrr.

Nunya Bizness: Uh-huh. Okay. So, no rappers then.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: I mean, I like TikTok.

Nunya Bizness: Okay. Now I get it. You heard about rap from TikTok?

GuapLord and SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Yeah.

Nunya Bizness: Right. Well, that’s just an upsetting thing to hear.

Ms. Queen Latifah: Well, look. No disrespect, but that’s not the culture. That’s just an off shoe.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: My last song got 3 billion streams bro.

Ms. Queen Latifah: Billion? With a ‘B’?

Nunya Bizness: Alright. What could you possibly made that got 3 billion streams?

GuapLord and SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Yee!

Nunya Bizness: You have a song called “Yee”?

GuapLord and SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Yeah.

Nunya Bizness: Is that your only song?

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Well, we supposed to have other songs?

GuapLord: We could do a remix I guess.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: We’re gonna do a remix I think.

Questlove: Okay, look. There’s space for all of us. I mean, hiphop is constantly evolving and I have respect for y’all for doing your own thing.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Na, na, na. See, okay, hold up. You’re gonna respect this. Check it. [GuapLord plays the music]

GuapLord and SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Yee, yee, skrr, yee, skrr, yee, skrr, skrr, skrr, roll up, yee, drop that, yee, skrr that, yee, pump that, ay, ay, ay.

GuapLord: You never loved me mom
but I needed you wo-o-o

[Questlove slaps GuapLord on his face]

Questlove: No! No! You sing like that on a rap record, man. You understand? Argh! I’m sorry. I apologize.

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Yo, chill, bro. Come on!

Questlove: Chill? [Questlove punches SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta on his face] Dumb ass! Pissing me off. I’m sorry.

Nunya Bizness: No. I mean, you don’t need to be sorry. It’s okay. It’s what we all wanted to do. Let’s take a break. [to GuapLord and SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta] Are you guys alright?

SmokeCheddaThaAssGetta: Hey, dad. Can you come get us? Everyone here is super mean.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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