Ruth Bader Ginsburg… Kate McKinnon[Starts with Working Out at Home intro] [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg in her home. She has a poster with “RBG’S Workout Corner” written on it]
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Hello. I’m Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and I wanted to say heartfelt hello to everyone who’s stuck inside. I want to show you some exercise you can do while you’re in there just to stay, you know, fit and healthy. So, today we’re gonna be doing working all the major muscle groups of the body. That’ll be abs, gams, tuchus, chicken wings and critical thinking. So, let’s go. So, all you really need for a good home workout is a jump rope [showing a tiny rope] and some weights [showing earbuds].
You’ve got to remember to start by cleaning your equipment with one of these lysol wipes. [showing a wipe that’s size of a bed-sheet.] I’m tiny. They’re big. What are you gonna do?
I need my punching bags. [showing two teabags] Kavanaugh and Gorsuch. Alright, let’s go.[Cut to Cardio session. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is doing jumping jacks.]
Gotta workout. Don’t want to gain the quarantine 15 ounces. And you got to eat healthy to stay healthy. Everyday I eat a half a chicken. Sorry, chick pea. Half a chick pea.
You got to pee a little every time you move. That’s normal. That’s good. That’s the burn.
Social distancing is important. [kicking at the camera] Take it from me, I’ve been social distancing from Justice Alito since ’03. And that’s a Gins-burn![Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing to a hip-hop beat] [Cut to Tuchus session. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is carrying one earbud on each of her hands and doing squats.] I’m very tough. I’m 87 years old. I survived cancer four times. I went to law school during the Spanish flu. Beat it. [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg whispering in front of her cat]
That’s my trainer. If I mess up, he eats me. Scary guy.
If you’re wondering, I’m not using this time to relax. I’m actually training for the 2021 Olympics. I’m going to do mental gymnastics to figure out why they cut the pandemic response team in 2018. Gins-burn![Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing to a hip-hop beat] [Cut to Flappers session. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is carrying one batter on each of her hands doing shoulder press.] So, for this I like to push myself with something really heavy. You got to get fit to push your thirst traps. I hope I crush these. Dr. Fauci, answer my DMs. [notification sound] That’s a slow burn. [Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing to a melodic beat.] [Cut to Stretch session. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is sitting on yoga mattress.]
Oh! Got to cool down now and stretch out with my foam roller. [Ruth Bader Ginsburg shows a piece of mostaccioli] It’s a piece of mostaccioli. Apparently, the virus came from the sick bat. Which makes me wonder, what was Giuliani doing in China?
Mitch McConnell said that the administration didn’t focus on the virus because they were too distracted by impeachment. I mean, are you in congress or parliament because your time line is funkadelic. Funk-me.[Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing to a funk music.] [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg standing in front of her ‘workout corner’ poster.]
Anyways, thanks for tuning in. And remember, stay healthy. All you need to do is one pushup. Push up is when you think, “Hey, it’s been two weeks. Maybe I’ll put on a bra.” And that’s a self-Gins-burn. Drop the beat![Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing to a dance beat.] [The End]