Salad

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Nadine… Aidy Bryant

Daniel Craig

[Starts with Nadine preparing her salad at night.]

Nadine: Shh, shh, shh.

[music playing] [singing] My family’s on the sleep
So I won’t make a peep
I’ll cook all night my most delicious recipe

I still have quite a surprise
In the morning when they rise
They’ll take a big bite
of my overnight salad

It’s not easy to make
Lots of ingredients it takes
But it’s worth it to serve
my overnight salad

Take a little bit o’ lettuce
Sprinkle in some cheese
A little scoche of lemon
And a gallon of mayo

So many raisins
An insane amount o’ pepper
Now you’re makin’ a salad

54 hot dogs
Look who’s back, it’s mayo
Don’t skimp on the Fritos
and root beer

The croutons are cookies
Add the pizza top, of course
Then I let it sit all night
on the radiator

In the morning when they rise
My daughters’ eyes fill with pride
When they take a big bite
of my overnight salad

The ultimate prize
My husband, king of the guys
When he chomps into a slice
of my overnight salad
It’s all over their face
My family loves the taste

[her family takes seat for breakfast. They all take a bite of her salad.] [music stops]

Daniel: Oh my God, Nadine, this tastes like [bleep]! [her daughter pukes] What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you were gonna make a salad!
Nadine: It’s my overnight salad.

Daniel: Mayonnaise and lettuce left out all night? [angrily standing] You need help, Nadine!

Daughter: Mommy, Baxter’s not moving.

[her dog is laying on the couch sick]

Nadine: I gave him a bite of my overnight salad.

Daniel: Are you happy, Nadine. You killed the f—– dog! Are you stupid? Your brain is sick!

Nadine: Maybe it just needs a big scoop of mayo.

[Daniel spits out a coin]

Daniel: There’s a quarter in my salad! Why?

[music playing]

Nadine: [singing] Well, the quarter is the thing…

[music stops]

Daniel: Nadine, Nadine, no, no, no. Just stop! Come on, girls. Let’s go. Come on.

Nadine: Well, I guess I’m gonna have to eat this whole thing myself. Doo dee doo dee doo overnight salad.

[Cut to Nadine’s tomb.] [The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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