Society Debut

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Bowen Yang

Henry… Alex Moffatt

Bigfoot… JJ Watt

Kenan Thompson

Beck Bennett

Cecily Strong

[Starts with a castle of London, England in 1918.]

Bowen: Henry, aren’t you nervous?

Henry: Do you doubt me?

Bowen: Of course not. But, in four months you’ve done the impossible. You’ve taken Bigfoot from the American wilds and taught him manners and how to comport himself in our society.

Henry: Well, I have to admit, it was a long road. But the past three days have gone perfectly. We play polo and bridge, and had one of his poems published in Ladies’ magazine.

Bowen: Um, you should be self-proud. And there he is.

[Cut to Bigfoot walking down the stairs. He is wearing suit.] [Cut to everybody]

Henry: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my student, Misui Gran Pied, also known as Bigfoot.

[Everybody looking at Bigfoot]

Bigfoot: Charmed! I am Bigfoot.

Kenan: Ah! Bigfoot. Welcome to my party. Please enjoy. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to take care of some business.

Beck: Mr. Pied, would you like some champagne?

[Beck snaps his finger and calls for drinks]

I insist.

Bigfoot: Oh, how thoughtful. But I won’t be drinking this evening. You know what they say? After two drinks, I’m drunk. After three, I’m under the table. And after four, I would take you by either leg and rip you up the middle like a piece of chicken.

Beck: [laughing] I’ve never heard anyone say that. So charming. Good job, old chap!

[Cecily walks in]

Cecily: Um, Mr. Foot. May I have a picture with you? Do the pose with me.

[Cecily and Bigfoot pose by leaning forward and joining their hands]

Ha-ha-ha. Oh, he’s genius. Hey, you must bring him to every party.

Henry: It’s a smashing success.

Bowen: Yes. He’s the toast of the town.

Kenan: He is. Now, if only we could figure out who deposited flocculant on the bathroom floor.

Beck: What was that old chap?

Kenan: Someone has excreciated excrecia on the bathroom floor.

Beck: I think I understand what you’re saying.

Kenan: Well, let me be clearer. He dropped the kids off at the pool but he left them in the parking lot. And it was just one very large kid.

[Cut to Bigfoot]

Bigfoot: Well, you know what they say. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Cecily: [laughing] I’m having a delightful time.

[Cut to Bowen and Henry]

Bowen: Professor, did you forget to teach him something?

Henry: Oh, come on! He speaks French. He plays the hop. You can’t tell me this is a big deal.

Bowen: Yes, but I feel like when people think of this party, this will be the thing they’ll remember.

[Cut to Bigfoot]

Bigfoot: Hey, hey. It sounds like whoever did this didn’t get something fully right. But actually, got pretty close. Maybe they should get credit for that.

[Cut to Bowen and Henry]

Bowen: Yes, very close. If we were playing golf, he may not have gotten the hole in one, but he definitely dropped on one the green.

Henry: Indeed. And if he gets the next one in, he’ll have a duce.

[Cut to Bigfoot]

Bigfoot: Enough of this. Should we dance? Let’s dance.

[Cut to everybody]

Kenan: No! The lavatory is decimated. There’s a duke in there.

Cecily: Oh, my! Is he looking for a duchess?

Kenan: No. It is up to the sink, people! Do you understand? A maid is stuck in there.

[Cut to Bigfoot]

Bigfoot: No! I’m so sorry!

[Henry walks in]

Henry: Don’t do this! Don’t show your hand.

Bigfoot: I have to. I must.

[Bigfoot walks to the harp and starts playing it]

I’m sorry. I belong in the woods.

Bowen: Oh, don’t do this Mr. Pied.

Bigfoot: I’m not Mr. Pied. I’m Bigfoot. I’m a beast, an animal. I should be doing naked cartwheels under Secoyas, throwing snakes at the sky, popping up in cabin windows and freaking out teens who are trying to read Dickens and chill. I must go.

Cecily: Wait! [Cecily runs to Bigfoot] Bigfoot, I’m in love with you. I can’t explain it. I would leave everything behind for you. Take me.

Bigfoot: I’m taking her.

[Cecily climbs up on Bigfoot’s shoulder]

Bigfoot: And I’m taking this.

[Bigfoot takes the harp too]

Goodbye!

[Bigfoot and Cecily leave] [Cut to Beck and Kenan]

Beck: That was my wife.

[Cut to Bowen and Henry]

Bowen: Well, they’re happy.

Henry: That’s what matters.

[Cut to Beck and Kenan]

Kenan: It is indeed. No one has ever fallen in love at one of my parties. [Kenan raises his glass and walks forward] [The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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