Ben K … Beck Bennett
Hannah C. … Heidi Gardner
Hannah Alexis C. … Chloe Fineman
Lauren Holt[Starts with ‘The Bachelor’ intro]
Male voice: Tonight on abc, it’s a special bonus season of ‘The Bachelor’. And this time he’s 5’11″… and a half![Cut to Ben K]
Ben K: Hey, there. I’m Ben K. When I was in high school, I threw a shopping card at a gay kid’s head. But now I’m here ready to final up. And there’s so many incredible girls to choose from.[Cut to introduction of the ladies]
Hannah C.: Hi. I’m Hannah C. I’m 20. And I have the oldest face for young person you’ll ever see.
Hannah Alexis C.: Hey, I’m Hannah Alexis C. I’m 21 and next year, I’ll be 22.
Adele: Hi, I’m Adele Adkins. I’m 32. You may know me for being the singer Adele. I’m here coz I’ve had a lot of heart break in my life. First at 19 and then sort of famously at 21 and then even more famously at 25. But I have a relly good feeling about Ben K. It’s only night one, yes. But I can already tell he’s going to be the next love of my life.[Cut to the show where Ben K is talking to the girls.]
Ben K: Hey, girls. I just want to say this has been such a great night. I really enjoyed laughing with each and everyone of you. Even though none of us ever said a joke once. [all girls laughing] And this was a hard decision but I’ve decided to give the first impression to Hannah C.
Adele: Wait, what? You’re giving it to Hannah C.?[music starts playing. The lights dim and the focus light is on Adele. She stands and walks up front to sing.] [singing] I heard that you’re settled down
that you found a girl and you’re married now
Ben K: Adele?
Adele: I hear that your dreams came true.
Ben K: Adele! Adele! [music stops] Hey, sorry. I am not married to Hannah C. It was just the one rose. You’re still in this.
Adele: I am?
Hannah C.: Yes, girl. There’s like, 40 episodes left. So, I’d pace yourself emotionally. Coz we’ve been here for 10 minutes and you’ve already sung that a few times.
Adele: Oh god. Sorry about that. Sorry.[Cut to Ben K]
Ben K: Yeah, I’d say out of all the girls in the house so far, I probably have the most in common with Hannah C and the least in common with pop superstar Adele. But our relationship is the one that’s moving the fastest mainly because Adele is making you do that.[Cut to Ben K and Adele in the park]
Ben K: Adele, you look so nice tonight.
Adele: Thank you. You look pretty amazing too. In fact I’d guess I’d sort of say …[music starts playing]
Ben K: Oh, we’re singing again.
Adele: [singing] You look like a movie, you sound like a song
my god this reminds me, of when we were young
Let me photograph you in this light
Ben K: Adele! Adele! Adele! [music stops] Can we just talk? This is really more of a talking show.
Adele: Oh, I keep forgetting about that. Sorry.
Hannah Alexis C.: You know, I absolutely love being on ‘The Bachelor’ but it has been sort of hard to get alone time with Ben with so many other girls in the house. Including Adele. Specially Adele. The problem is Adele.[Cut to Ben K and Hannah Alexis C. in the park]
Hannah Alexis C.: It’s so nice to finally have some alone time with you.
Ben K: I know. So, why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?[As Hannah Alexis C. is going to answer, music starts playing. This annoys both Ben K and Hannah Alexis C.]
Hannah Alexis C.: Oh, my god!
Adele: [singing] Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
Hannah Alexis C.: Okay, Adele! [music stops] No, okay? It has not been years since you’ve seen Ben. You’ve been singing to him all night.
Adele: Oh my god. I know. You’re so right, Hanna. I’m being a right prick yet again. I will leave you two alone. Good bye.[Adele leaves]
Hannah Alexis C.: [sigh] This is so much better.
Ben K: Yes. So much better.
Hannah Alexis C.: Though, I do feel kind of weird that I yelled at the actual Adele to go away.
Ben K: I wouldn’t worry about it.
Hannah Alexis C.: Why?
Ben K: Because she’s back. I can see her in the bushes right behind us.[Cut to Adele hiding behind the bushes] [music starts playing]
Adele: [singing] Hello from inside this bush
Hannah Alexis C.: [annoyed] I am going back into the mansion.[Cut to Adele]
Adele: So, I think night one’s been an absolute smash, but I’m starting to get the feeling that I might be coming on a bit strong. I think Ben K sort of likes that more laid back American vibe. So, for the rest o the night, I’ve decided that I’m going to play it really, really chill and cool.[Cut to Ben K and Adele talking at the party.]
Adele: You know, if you want to talk to someone else, it’s totally fine.
Ben K: Really?
Adele: Yeah. I don’t even know if I even really like you that much. If it works out, it works out.[Lauren walks in]
Lauren: Hi, can I steal him for a sec?[Adele immediately breaks the wine glass in her hand] [music starts playing]
Adele: [singing] There’s a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it’s bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ‘head and sell me out and I’ll lay your ship bare
Lauren: Okay, I’m a huge fan but I don’t feel safe with her here.
Ben K: Okay, you know what? I know there’s still 20 minutes left in the show but I think we got a call with you, Adele. It’s been a very intense night and I think you should leave the mansion.
Adele: I don’t know if I’d call this a mansion. But I understand. Good luck, ladies. And thank you, Ben. And I will now leave and I will go quietly. I promise. There will be no more drama from me.[Adele just walks away]
Lauren: Well, that’s so sad.
Ben K: I know. I kind of wanted her to finish ‘Someone Like You’.
Lauren: Wait, I think I can see her coming back. [music starts playing] Yep, there she is.[Adele walks back with a mic]
Adele: [singing] I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it
I had hoped you’d see my face
And that you’d be reminded that for me, it isn’t over
All: Yes, she is singing it!
Adele: Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
“Don’t forget me, ” I beg
I remember you said
“Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead”
“Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead”
Thank you everyone. Catch me next week on ‘Love Island’.