Tiny Horse

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Randall… Beck Bennett

Abigail… Heidi Gardner

Ernest… Timothée Chalamet

[Starts with ‘The Farm’ video bumper.]
[Cut to a man looking at his past due bills]

Randall: Aw, the hell with it, Abigail. There’s nothing we can do.

Abigail: It’s okay, Randall. We will figure this out together.

[their son walks in]

Ernest: Pa?

Abigail: Ernest, go to sleep, sweetie.

Ernest: What’s the matter, Pa?

Abigail: Ernest! Listen to your mother. It’s a grown up talk.

Ernest: Well, I’m grown up ain’t I? You can trust me with the hogs, you can trust me with the truth.

Randall: We’re selling the farm, boy. The land, the barn, all of it.

Ernest: But pa, what about the animals? We’re not going to sell the animals, right pa?

Randall: Sorry, boy. They have to go. They all have to go.

[Cut to Ernest sitting on a farm truck.]

Ernest: [singing] It’s extra quiet in the farm tonight
and I’m feeling so alone
Cause today I’m losing my friend

Yes today, I’m gonna lose my only friend

[Ernest opens a small box. A small tiny hors walks out of the box.]

There he is, my tiny horse (neigh)
And he’s going away, yeah
They’re taking him away from me, yeah

There he is, my tiny horse (neigh)
He’s extra tiny today, yeah
But they’re taking him away from me, yeah
Tiny horse
[Ernest puts the horse on the floor]
You’re free now, boy. Go on. [the horse does not leave] Didn’t you hear me? I said you’re free. Now run. Come on, you dumb horse. I said get! [The tiny horse is getting upset. Emotional music playing in the background.] Run if you know it’s good for you. Get! Get! Go on. [The horse starts running away.] Get, you filthy horse! Go! Come on! Get! Go on! Get. Go on. Get. Go on, boy. Hey, get! Don’t come back. You hear? I never even wanted you, so don’t come back because I certainly won’t be looking. Just promise me one thing. Do great things. I know you will.

[Cut to Animal University. The tiny horse is wearing convocation hat.]

Male voice: And your valedictorian is tiny horse.

[Cut to tiny horse speech with Joe Biden. Then there’s tiny horse’s name on hall of fame. Tiny horse on front page of People magazine marrying AOC. Tiny horse is in Jimmy Fallon show also.]
[Cut back to Ernest singing for his horse]
Ernest: There he is, my tiny horsе
He’s extra tiny today, yeah
But thеy’re taking him away from me, yeah
Tiny horse

[Randall walks to Ernest]

Randall: Boy, good news. I got a loan and we’re keeping the farm.

Ernest: What?

Randall: It turns out you can keep your tiny horse after all.

Ernest: Really? [the tiny horse looks at Ernest with hopeful eyes.] No, pa. I can’t. That tiny horse was never mine to begin with. That tiny horse belongs to the world. [looking to the tiny horse] Go on, boy. Get.

[The tiny horse gets on a real horse and goes away]

He’s gonna do great things, right pa?

Randall: Sure he will, son. You just know it.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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