Heidi Gardner
Ron… John Mulaney
Emily… Chloe Fineman
Tyler… Pete Davidson
Beck Bennett
Aidy Bryant
Chris Redd
[Starts with seven people celebrating in their house.]
Heidi: Anyway, to our baby girl Emily accepted at Stanford Business School.
Ron: Congratulations, sweetie.
All: Congratulations.
Emily: Aw, thanks everybody. It’s so nice to have family here.
Ron: [sigh] That’s great. So, Tyler, what about you? You enjoying college?
Tyler: Oh, yeah, uncle Ron. I’m loving it.
Ron: Oh, that’s nice. They have computers there, yeah?
Tyler: At college? Yeah, yeah, they do.
Ron: And did you do anything else?
Tyler: I don’t know, uncle Ron. I mean I write papers.
Beck: Ron, you alright?
Ron: I’m talking to your son. You write papers? That’s it?
Tyler: Yeah. That’s it.
Ron: You’re so slick, huh? You’re a liar!
Beck: What?
Ron: Excuse me?
Aidy: Ron, is everything okay?
Ron: No. It’s actually not okay. He meme’d me.
Beck: I’m sorry. Meme’d you?
Ron: Yeah, that’s right. My punk nephew Tyler made into a meme. I’m a meme now. And I don’t like it one bit.
Emily: Dad, come on. There’s no way.
Beck: Yeah. I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding.
Ron: Oh, really? Take a look at this. [Ron walks to his TV] Look at my facebook profile pic. [He shows his profile pic] Perfectly normal handsome picture of me right at work, right? Now, look at the front page of reddit.com. “When she wanna smash but the pee-pee too small.” What the hell is this?
Ron: Oh, wow!
Chris: Damn!
Aidy: My goodness.
Heidi: What in the world?
Ron: I know. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I mean is it supposed to be funny? Coz it’s not.
Emily: No, it’s sick.
Chris: It’s kind of funny though.
Ron: And it’s not even true. I smash. I have a kid, dammit!
Aidy: Tyler, is he right? Did you meme your uncle?
Tyler: Look, it just got out of hand. I just made one meme for fun and then–
Ron: Fun? Is this fun to you? This next one was tweeted by rapper Ice-T. And he said it was too true. [changes the meme] “When y’all kissing and she say ‘That’ll be $Ron00.'” I mean hey, hey, that sucks for me. You get that, right? [changes the meme] “When your girl pregnant and you ain’t even had sex.” Again, I have a daughter. Lies. [changes the meme] “When you tip the cam girl for Heidi0k and she block you.” What?
Aidy: Now, I don’t even get that.
Chris: It do be like that sometimes.
Aidy: Well, this is awful. This is not what Melania meant when she said, “Be best.”
Ron: The internet dubbed me the white collar virgin. I don’t know why. I mean, look at this. There’s thousands. [showing a list of his memes]
Tyler: Uncle Ron, I’m so sorry. I would never describe you that way.
Ron: Sorry? This is ruining my life. Do you get that? You do get that, right? This is endless. And they’re getting more creative. “I guess heaven needed a bitch.” So, I passed away in this one? [changes the meme. His picture is edited like he’s Joker.] “Wanna know how I got these tiny-ass balls?” It’s not funny. It’s depraved. [changes the meme] “When green book on HBO.” Dammit, at least this makes sense. That is how I feel when green book on HBO.
Aidy: Ron, this is a nightmare and we apologize on behalf of our son.
Beck: Tyler, make this right.
Tyler: Look, I never should have started the meme but I promise you, the one I did was just silly. It wasn’t meant to be like, hurtful.
Beck: Thank you. See? Just some gentle raving that got out of hand.
Ron: Oh, interesting. Coz I tracked Tyler’s reddit username and his first post was this. [changes the meme] “That feeling when you a pedophile.”
All: Tyler?
Tyler: That moment when your uncle finds the pedophile meme you made of him. [Tyler makes a silly face]
