Ego Nwodim
Adele
Chris Redd
Pete Davidson
Lauren Holt
Grandma… Maya Rudolph
[Starts with four young people walking in a nursing home]
Ego: I’m so glad that we could all get together to visit grandma.
Adele: So, how does this work? We go inside the nursing home.
Chris: No, they’re keeping quarantine since old but we can stand in that courtyard and shoutout to a balcony.
Pete: Yeah. Like Romeo and Juliet, except, old.
Adele: Oh, there she comes.
[Cut to grandma walking to the balcony with a nurse]
Nurse: Okay. Blanch, I think there’s some people here to see you.
Grandma: Why?
Adele: Grandma, down here.
Ego: Hi, grandma.
Grandma: What?
Pete: Look down, grandma.
Grandma: Oh, grandchildren.
Adele: Hi, grandma. Yoo-hoo.
Grandma: Oh, baby. Are you cold?
Adele: No. I’m wearing the scarf you knit me. I’m nice and warm. Don’t worry.
Grandma: You did what?
Adele: I’m wearing the scarf you made me. See? [showing the scarf]
Grandma: You said my scarf?
Adele: No, you made me a scarf on my birthday and I’m wearing it.
Grandma: It’s amazing. Who’s that man?
Adele: Oh, grandma, this is my boyfriend, Kevin. You remember Kevin.
Grandma: Oh, Arizona.
Pete: That’s right. I’m from Arizona.
Grandma: Okay. So, what’s going with work?
Adele: Oh, it’s crazy busy. People always need jokes. And you know, that’s what we sell.
Grandma: No, not you. The boyfriend.
Pete: Me? Oh! Didn’t expect that. I’m in a bit of an interesting state right now. My contract ended back in April and now I’m kind of helping my buddy with a start up which just got an angel investor. It’s super exciting. It’s just taking a while to come through.
Grandma: What?
Pete: Oh. I was saying my last job ended and right now I’m sort of in a holding pattern helping a friend get his business off the ground. But it’s a waiting game.
Grandma: What?
Adele: He said he’s in a holding pattern. Slower because of covid.
Pete: Yeah, I’m mostly just putting out feelers for different gigs.
Grandma: You what?
Pete: I’m unemployed and I don’t have a job.
Grandma: Oh, okay.
Pete: I want one and I don’t have one. I’m trying to get one but no one will let me have one. I don’t have a job.
Adele: But I do have a job and he does not, and that bothers both of us so much.
Pete: Yeah, because the money she makes, I have to take some of it because I don’t have a job.
Grandma: Alright.
Nurse: Blanch, why don’t you show them the bracelet that you made today?
[Grandma shows the bracelet that she’s wearing]
Adele: Oh, that’s lovely.
Chris: Grandma, you’ll like this. I bought a record player.
Grandma: Where is Devin?
Chris: Okay, shot down.
Grandma: One of you has a muscular husband, Devin. Where is handsome Devin?
Ego: Right, that’s me. Grandma, Devin and I went through a lot with quarantine and we realized that– Well, there is this relationship expert, Ester Parell, who says that French people don’t ask their partner to also be their lover and their best friend. You know?
Grandma: What?
Ego: I was saying the pressure of being around each other without any distraction, we realized we weren’t good at being married to each other.
Grandma: What?
Ego: He said he wanted to be open.
Grandma: Open what?
Ego: He ducked my ass, grandma. We had a three way and he liked her better.
Grandma: Okay.
Ego: Yeah. He opened the relationship to her and closed it to me. They now live together in my house.
Grandma: Okay.
Ego: Yeah. I still live in the house because that’s where I’m at right now.
Grandma: Okay.
Nurse: Do you understand what she means, Blanch? She had a man and he’s gone now?
Grandma: Yes. And the other man?
Pete: Me? I’m still unemployed.
Adele: Yes. When I wake up, I go to work and when he wakes up, he just stays in the bed.
Pete: I a like a pet. I do not have money.
Adele: I am dating a man with no job.
Grandma: Okay.
Nurse: Maybe it’s time for dinner.
Chris: Wait, grandma, you said you revised your will and wanted to read it to us, right?
Grandma: Right. Right. [Nurse hands over the will to Grandma. Grandma puts on her glasses and starts reading.] Okie, dokie. Here we go. My dearest grandchildren. As you know, I have lived a long interesting life full of travels, celebrations, casinos and shopping sprees.
Ego: What?
Grandma: While some say you need to put away for a rainy day–
Pete: What?
Grandma: — I have always believed life is a lemon that needs to be squeezed.
Adele: There’s no inheritance, is there?
Grandma: Nope, spent it. Broke.
Pete: I appreciate that.
Adele: Got it.
Ego: Makes sense.
Chris: Thanks grandma.
Pete: Bye granma.
Grandma: Alright, see you.
