Carrie Krum… Aidy Bryant
Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Tourism and airplane travel have been hit, specially hard by the coronavirus this year. Here to comment on the changing state of her industry is seventh grade travel expert Carrie Krum.[Carrie Krum slides in]
Carrie Krum: Wow! I missed you, Michael.
Michael Che: Hey, Carrie. I missed you too. How was your summer?
Carrie Krum: Oh, it was awesome. My mom bought a chef hat for when I make pizza and my brother shot me twice with a paint ball gun.
Michael Che: Well, that’s pretty impressive. So, Carrie, you must have been sad that you couldn’t take any of your fun trips this summer?
Carrie Krum: Oh, Michael. Being at home is the ultimate vacation. You got my room, my mom’s room, a small decorative box filled with my baby teeth, and an irrigation ditch where all my pets were laid to rest. And did you know, Michael? Church is illegal right now, so we listen to it on the radio. And Michael… Michael… I listened to church in a tankini.
Michael Che: Oh, that all sounds fun. So, what are some tips on how people can enjoy a good stay-cation?
Carrie Krum: Oh! Well, bring the beach to you with something my family likes to call ‘the hose in the driveway’. It’s like a refreshing pool where you don’t have to know where you swim and the water tastes like dirt and metal.
Michael Che: Okay, Carrie. Well, what about something fun for kids who are going back to school online?
Carrie Krum: Well, yeah. You gotta make the best of the hard times. I mean, I am loving computer school. I’m never on mute, I’m always talking, always moving, and I can’t stop looking at myself. And I didn’t think that I could ever have a crush over Zoom but Jack Mathers, I mean during Social Studies, I can see his bed room. And Michael… Michael… he’s got a big lizard in there. Bad boy. Ooh!
Michael Che: Okay, yeah. Alright. Well, is it hard to not hangout with your friends at least?
Carrie Krum: Well, technically, I’m never alone because fairies are real and when it rains, it becomes easier to see them.
Michael Che: So, it sounds like you actually sort of thrived in quarantine?
Carrie Krum: Well, yeah. Except for– Well, my mom said I need to get… [mumbling]
Michael Che: A what?
Carrie Krum: A tank-top with support. It’s not a bra, but it do press down.
Michael Che: Oh my gosh.
Carrie Krum: And then my brother Mitchell found it and he put it on and he stuffed toilet paper in the holders, and he was walking around doing a chi-chi dance and I screamed so loud that my dad thought that I had been hurt. Whatever though. I started drinking sprite out of a coffee cup. So, I’m adult.
Michael Che: Carrie Krum, everybody. For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.