Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Colin Jost and Michael Che in their news set]Colin Jost: Well guys, tonight is our Christmas show and we have a tradition where Che and I give each other jokes to read.
Michael Che: Oh, yes. That’s true. We’re making each other read jokes live on air that the other person has never seen before.
Colin Jost: Yes. Fun, harmless, inoffensive jokes, right Che?
Michael Che: Hey, man. Why don’t you go first?
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of coronavirus at left top corner.]Colin Jost: Many doctors are saying that they have a hard time convincing their black patients to agree to take the covid vaccine. Well, maybe they should try telling them, “It makes you immune from paying child support.”
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of “Hocus Pocus” movie poster at right top corner.]Michael Che: Whoa! That’s pretty racist, Colin! It was revealed that the sequel of the movie “Hocus Pocus” is in the words for Disney+, which judging by this picture is movie about every white woman I’ve ever slept with. Cool.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Rosa Parks at left top corner.]Colin Jost: This week marks the 65th anniversary of Rosa Parks refusing to give up her seat on an Alabama bus. I just wish that all black people could follow her example of sitting down and shutting up.
Michael Che: [laughing] Oh. The palm beach mansion once owned by Jeffery Epstein will soon be demolished. And I’m honestly shocked that they would demolish a place where I have so many fond memories. Rest in power, king.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Creed’s front man Scott Stapp at left top corner.]Colin Jost: God! It was announced that Creed’s singer Scott Stapp will play Frank Sinatra in an upcoming movie. But the good news is Sammy Davis Jr. will be played by Scarlett Johansson.
Michael Che: For Weekend Update, I’m Michael che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.
