Weekend Update COVID-19 Protests & Sexy Hand Sanitizer


Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che in his set. There’s a picture of a news article titled ‘Orthodox Jewish neighborhoods protest restrictions’ at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Orthodox Jewish in New York city lashed out at a newly impulsed coronavirus restriction in their neighborhood by setting fires and burning mask. And it’s a miracle because the mask burned for eight nights.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a news article about Goldman Sachs at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: Come on, dude!

Michael Che: That’s a good one. Come on. Stop it. Stop it.

Colin Jost: Goldman Sachs is reporting that if Joe Biden wins the election and democrats regain the control of congress, the economy will recover faster. I don’t have a joke for that. I just wanted to point out that Trump’s only thing he says he’s good at is the economy, and the economy itself was like, “I’m voting for Biden.”

[Picture changes to a woman holding a sanitizer.]

This is worse. A new Halloween costume being sold this year is for sexy hand sanitizer which I think is just lube.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of McDonald’s new breakfast items at right top corner.]

Michael Che: McDonald’s announced that for the first time in a decade, it’s adding new items to it’s breakfast bakery menu, including an apple fritter, a blueberry muffin and cinnamon rolls, all for the low-low price of one of your feet.

[Picture changes to Whitey Ford]

Yankee’s legend Whitey Ford died this week at the age of 91. Ford reminds us of a simpler time when you could just name your kid ‘Whitey’.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Sizzler logo at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: It is dark. Sizzler restaurants have announced that as a result of the impact from covid, they are filing bankruptcy. Which is probably a good idea since the Sizzler buffet is the closest thing America has to a Wuhan wet market.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a shark at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Researchers in Nova Scotia have found a 50 year old great white shark that they’re calling queen of the ocean, because he gay as hell.

[Picture changes to a horse]

Pennsylvania police arrested a man who tried to rent a horse online so that he and his wife could have sex with the animal. But the man had no idea that the whole time, he was actually chatting with a police horse.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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