Colin Jost
Melissa Villaseñor
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Well, there’s simply no denying it guys, it’s the holiday season. Here with some of her favorite Christmas albums is our own Melissa Villaseñor.
[Melissa Villaseñor slides in. She is dressed like Dolly Parton.]
Melissa Villaseñor: Yeah. Hey, Colin. I’m so excited to be here to talk about Christmas music.
Colin Jost: Yeah. Melissa, I’m a little nervous to ask you this but are you dressed as Dolly Parton?
Melissa Villaseñor: What? No. This is my special Christmas outfit. [pointing at her breasts] And these are my regular big old things. I’m here to talk about Christmas.
Colin Jost: Are you sure? I’m just asking because you’ve been trying to get your Dolly Parton impression on the show for a while now.
Melissa Villaseñor: No. I’m 100% just here to sing Christmas songs. Okay?
Colin Jost: Alright. What are some of your favorites?
Melissa Villaseñor: Mm. It’s a tough one, but definitely Holly Jolly Christmas. It’s so joyful. Here, I’ll sing it.
[music playing]
[singing in Dolly Parton’s voice] Have a Holly Jolly Christmas
it’s the best time of the year
now I don’t know if there’ll be snow
but have a cup of cheer
Oh, I just love Christmas.
Colin Jost: Yeah. That’s great, but you were just doing a Dolly Parton impression.
Melissa Villaseñor: Hey buddy, eyes up here. [telling Colin to stop staring at her breasts and look at her eyes.]
Colin Jost: What are you pointing down for?
Melissa Villaseñor: You know another song I really like? Jingle Bells, okay? What a classic. Right? It goes like this.
[music playing]
[singing in Dolly Parton’s voice like the song “Jolene”] Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells all the way
I’m begging of you please don’t take Jolene
Colin Jost: Yeah. That’s not how Jingle Bells goes and it’s also not really how Jolene goes. Melissa, just if you want to do Dolly song, just be up front with me.
Melissa Villaseñor: [pointing at her breasts] I am being extremely upfront. I almost had trouble walking out here. Okay, fine. Yeah. News flash. I want to be Dolly. Who doesn’t? She’s the coolest. She’s a great singer. She writes her own songs. She donated $1 million to the vaccine. plus, there’s a new story this week that she saved a kid from getting hit by a car. Which made me mad because I was speeding up to hit him. Kidding. Alright. Look. I’ll sing you one actual Christmas song. A real one this time. Okay? Growing up, my family and I, we would go to mass, midnight mass which was in Latin. This was my hymn.
[music playing]
Colin Jost: Melissa, I know what this is.
Melissa Villaseñor: [singing] Working 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin’
Barely gettin’ by
It’s all takin’ and no givin’
They just use your mind
Colin Jost: Melissa Villaseñor, everyone.
Melissa Villaseñor: I’m not coming to work next week. [pointing at her breasts] I’m going to get big thing.
Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.
Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight.
