Pate Davidson[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Well, over the summer, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling was wildly criticized for comments that were perceived as transphobic. With more on this is Pete Davidson.[Pete Davidson slides in] [Cheers and applause]
Pete Davidson: Yeah. Alright. Thanks, Colin. Thank you so much. I just learned it’s mental illness awareness week. So, I wanted to make everyone aware, we out here and we crazy. Go Giants! Season starts tomorrow.
Colin Jost: Yeah. This is Giant’s year. Everyone says it. So, what do you think about this J.K. Rowling controversy?
Pete Davidson: Um, I think I’m never getting another tattoo for the rest of my life. Don’t get tattoos. I got a Harry Potter tattoo years ago coz I’m not psychic. I didn’t know J.K. Rowling was gonna go all Mel Gibson on us. I have a Game of Thrones tattoo. Now, I’m terrified one day George R.R. Martin’s just gonna be like, “Hey, if you enjoy what I had to say about dragons and dire wolves, wait till you hear what I hear about Puerto Ricans.” I also have Winnie the Poo tattoo. Am I gonna have to find out he was diddling piglet the whole time? This is madness. It’s crazy times we live in. It’s not fair.
Colin Jost: Now, how did you feel when you first heard that Rowling said something transphobic?
Pete Davidson: It really hurt. Because I have a close connection to those movies. I even look like Dobby the house elf if he became a TikTok rapper. That wasn’t very nice. It is scarily accurate. But the only difference between me and Dobby is I am a real person and his movies get released in Theaters.
Colin Jost: Alright. So, you found what J.K. Rowling said disappointing.
Pete Davidson: Very disappointing. Yeah. I long for a few years ago where the worst thing she ever did were those ‘Fantastic Beasts’ movies. No discrimination there. Those films harmed us all equally. I mean, what’s wrong with her, Colin? She creates a seven book fantasy series about all types of mythical creatures living in harmony with wizards and elves, and the one thing she can’t wrap her head around is Laverne Cox? She’s a national treasure.
Colin Jost: Yeah. Did you find what J.K. said surprising then?
Pete Davidson: Yeah, at first. But then I started thinking about the ‘fantastical world’ she created. The woods are controlled by centaurs. The schools are run by wizards and ghosts. But who controls the banks? Jews, obviously. Little giant nose Jew goblins. And I could say that because as you can see, I’m half goblin. I mean, come on, if this isn’t Jews run the banks reference, why do they all look exactly like Alan Dershowitz? The Dersh! You can Dersh, Dersh! I’m having fun.
Colin Jost: I’m having fun tonight. So, Pete, will you stop reading the books?
Pete Davidson: I never read any of the books and I saw part of ‘Azkaban’ on the plane once.
Colin Jost: Pete Davidson, everyone.
Pete Davidson: Hey. Vote for Biden.