Amusement Park

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Brett… Mikey Day

Malcolm… Nick Jonas

Cug… Kyle Mooney

Brinkley… Heidi Gardner

Fresian… Ego Nwodim

[Starts with a bunch of young people on a line at the amusement park]

Gate keeper: Alright, next riders, please?

Brett: I’m so glad World of Fun reopened. I thought they were going to have to cancel our junior year trip.

Malcolm: Dude, I still can’t believe you won the stuffed guy from soul.

Cug: [holding a human size stuffed guy] I know. I’ve like, never won the ring toss. My lucky day I guess.

Brett: Also, Brinkley, like, how have you never ridden the Viking Voyager?

Brinkley: I don’t know. I think water’s scary.

Fresian: Oh my god. Me too. I’m like a full baby in the shower.

Malcolm: You know, the Viking Voyager is sick. I’ll protect you.

Fresian: Okay, now shut up.

Cug: Oh, so you two are like, riding together?

Malcolm: Oh, I straight up don’t care.

Brinkley: Oh, we have to pair up for the ride, huh?

Brett: Yeah. How many even is it to, like, a flume?

Cug: I think it’s two max. I think typically guy-girl. But I don’t care.

Brett: Yeah. Well, I feel like Fresian and Malcolm said they’d ride together.

Fresian: Oh, I don’t care. Sure.

Malcolm: Yeah. Like, whatever makes sense to the group. Like, height wise?

Brett: Oh, okay. Well, if it’s height wise, I guess it’s me and Brinkley makes sense?

Brinkley: Yeah. I mean, height wise I feel like that checks out. So then Cug, would you be cool riding with the guy from soul?

Cug: Um, I kind of feel like I rode with him on the last ride and the ride before that. So, I think it makes sense for me to ride with a person or a girl this time. But literally, all I care about is getting wet.

Malcolm: Wait, Brinkley and Brett, didn’t you ride on the Zulu together?

Brett: We did? Did we?

Brinkley: What? I think I either rode alone or with the guy from soul.

Cug: No. Pretty sure Joe Gardner has only ridden with me.

Malcolm: Wait. Who’s Joe Gardner?

Cug: Um, the guy from soul. Yeah. I definitely remember being with him on the Zulu and the Mamba. I don’t care. But if we want to keep it even, I don’t think I should be riding with the guy from soul.

Fresian: Like, hey, I mean, I can ride with you, Cug. Malcolm, you cool to ride with the guy from soul?

Malcolm: Well, isn’t this the one where you like, kind of sit on each other’s laps?

Brinkley: Wait, you do? Like, how does that work?

Brett: I don’t know. I think we have enough time to do like, a demo? Like, just to practice.

Brinkley: Okay.

Brett: [walks to a boat] Okay. So, I guess, I’ll sit here. And then you’d be between my legs I guess.

Brinkley: Oh, like, you want me to try?

Brett: Yeah. For like, height.

Brinkley: [they sit together] Oh, yeah, height.

Brett: Coz I don’t care. But if–

Cug: I feel like for height, I’d be better behind?

Brinkley: Oh, no. This is good for height.

Brett: Yeah.

Malcolm: [to Fresian] Should we–?

Fresian: Demo how to sit? Yeah, sure.

Malcolm: Yeah. Okay. So, I’d be like this.

Fresian: [they sit together] Okay. Yeah.

Malcolm: And then you’d be here. But then, like, what do I do with my arms? Because I don’t want them to get wet.

Fresian: Yeah. I think they’d be like my seatbelt like this. [pulling Malcolm’s hands across her waist]

Malcolm: Okay.

Brett: Um, we actually didn’t demo that. Should we practice?

Brinkley: Like, for height?

Brett: Yes. For height.

Brinkley: Sure.

Brett: I guess like this. [Brett just holds Brinkley from the behind]

Brinkley: Cug, would you want to try getting in with the guy from the soul? Like, for height?

Cug: Um, okay.

Malcolm: Alright, all your’s, Cug.

Cug: Thanks. [taking the seat on the boat] So, I guess I’d be back here.

Brinkley: Yeah. And Joe would be in your lap, Cug.

Cug: So, like this?

Malcolm: Yeah. But that doesn’t make sense height wise, Cug.

Brinkley: Yeah. He is taller than you, Cug.

Fresian: Yeah. So, he should be behind you, Cug.

Cug: Okay. So, I’m in his lap?

Brett: Exactly, Cug.

Cug: Okay. [he puts the stuffed guy behind and he sits up front.] So, let me just get him around. So, it it like this?

Brinkley: Yeah, Cug.

Malcolm: Yeah. Then his arms are like a seatbelt, Cug.

Cug: Oh, okay. So, like this?

Brinkley: Yes. Are you comfortable, Cug?

Cug: I guess. But, I don’t want to hug the guy from soul. If someone else wants to take a spin? Soul guy going once, going twice,

All: No. No, pass.

Gate keeper: All parties here, folks?

All: Yes. Here we go.

Gate keeper: Have fun, Cug.

Cug: It’s Robert. I don’t know why they keep calling me that.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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