Jake… Jonathan Majors
Flo… Heidi Gardner
Intern… Andrew Dismukes
Human Friend… Alex Moffat[Starts with show intro]
Male voice: Live from the Fox Con Empathy is the Audacity in Advertising Awards. With your hosts Jake from State Farm and Flo from Progressive.[Jake and Flo walk in]
Flo: Good evening.
Jake: Commercials, they’re tiny movies they play during TV. I love being the face of StateFarm.
Flo: And I signed 100 billion year contract with Progressive and I love that too.
Jake: We’re here tonight to crown the winners of the 2021 Audacity and Advertising awards.
Flo: Also known as the Pepsi’s.
Jake: The Commercials make us buy, make us cry. They make a shout, “How dare you and our TVs?”
Flo: Because these days it’s no longer enough to ask where’s the beef? We must also ask how can it be diversity? We’re so excited to celebrate the most egregious ads of the year. Our first nominee is a moving conversation between a father and son.[Cut to the commercial. Intern is talking to his dad online.]
Son: Did mom know?
Father: She knew. We still loved each other. I never felt like it was right for me to come out while you guys were still kids. I don’t know what to say.
Son: It’s okay, dad. I miss mom.
Father: Me too. [crying] I’ve wasted my life.
Female voice: Facebook Portal. Share something real.[cut back to Jake and Flo]
Jake: Wow. Wow. That must have sold a lot of Facebooks.
Flo: Truly stunning.
Jake: We’ll be seeing more of these later in the evening.
Flo: We have so many amazing awards to give out tonight. Like ‘most outrageous use of sign language’ and ‘don’t you make landmines?’
Jake: But first one of my favorite categories, Flo it’s so exciting when you can tell a company doesn’t know how it’s received.
Flo: It can be even more exciting when it feels like they aren’t even sure what it is the thing that they do.
Jake: Here are the nominees for using what to sell what?[Cut to the ad.]
Flo: Dolphin covered in oil, thrashes in pain, kind fisherman comes and wipes it off. BP.
Jake: Children hold hands over borer wall. O’Neill’s Titanium Border Walls.
Flo: Two undocumented lesbians getting prison married. Sargento cheese.[Cut back to Jake and Flo]
Jake: And the winner is … BP. The ad execs of this company prefer not to come up here tonight because they are embarrassed. Here to accept the award on their behalf is their newest intern.[Intern walks to the stage and accepts the award]
Intern: Oh, wow. Oh, man. Thank you. This is crazy. Oh, I started two days ago and now I’m on TV. I want to thank my supervisor for showing me where the free Clif Bars are. And yeah, that’s the only person I’ve met. Go interns. Whooo!
Jake: Thank you.
Flo: He will go far. And now on a more serious note, companies can’t last forever. Let’s take a moment to remember the ones we sadly lost this year.
Quibi, tubi, vubu, boopi, titi, Duku and fupa TV. We will miss most of you.
Jake: And now, here to present the category you’ve all been waiting for. Please welcome the Limu Emu and his human friend.[Cut to Limu Emu and Human Friend]
Human Friend: Hey, everybody. Yeah, glad to be here. Limu Emu, anything to add?
Limu Emu: Aflac.
Human Friend: Dude, stop. That’s not us. I told you that. God I hate that we’re married. Oh my god. Nope. Nope. Here are the nominees for most egregious ad of the year 2021.
Melissa: When I was little, my school burned in a fire. Ever since then, I’ve dreamed of being a fireman. Driving for Amazon gives me the flexibility to go to firefighter school online while I drive. Today, I’m on my way to being a real firefighter. God bless you Amazon.
Female voice: Amazon, god bless us.[Cut to another commercial]
Female voice: This baby is trans, Feliz Navidad, from the Sacklers.[Cut back to Jake and Flo]
Jake: Wow. Absolutely Craven.
Flo: We’ll be back with the winner and other exciting categories.
Male voice: Up next, a performance from Renee Fleming of the music from 1-877-Kars-4-Kids.