Carey Mulligan Monologue


Carey Mulligan

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Carey.

[Carey walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Carey: Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh my goodness. Thank you. So wonderful to be here. They just told me I’m the first English person to ever host this show. And I’m saying that out loud, I realize that couldn’t possibly be true. Forget I said that. People in America are always saying the nicest things to me. Like, “I loved you in ‘Brokeback Mountain’. You were amazing in ‘Fosse/Verdon’.” And I used to say, “Oh, sorry. That’s Michelle Williams.” But now, I just say, “Thank you. I am Michelle Williams.”

I spent the last year at quarantining in the English country side with my husband and my two small children which is the beginning of the most horror movies. So, it’s very exciting to be somewhere where shops are open. Yes. Very exciting. I never thought I’d say this, but walking into a banana republic was a magical experience. Big day for me. I’m used to working on these really dramatic films. But then production stopped for a year. So instead, I had to channel all of that dramatic energy into my children’s bedtime stories. They became a lot longer. Lots of recently divorced dragons and unicorns with secret pill habits. My kids would be like, “Mum, please. It’s two in the morning. Let us sleep.”

So, I’m very excited to be here tonight and let some of that energy out. I’m also very excited to be here because my husband was actually musical guest three times, Marcus Mumford from the band ‘Mumford and sons’. Or as I like to call it, ‘my husband and sons’. But he couldn’t be here tonight. So, he’s at home watching the children. So, hi babe, love.

Marcus: Love you too. Hi, Carey. It’s me. It’s me Marcus Mumford from the band ‘Mumford and sons’.

Carey: Yes, darling. I know. What a surprise. Hello. Lovely to see you. Um, where are the kids?

Marcus: I left them with the sons. Couldn’t miss this for the world. You’re going to smash it, really, SNL. This is amazing.

Carey: Thank you, darling.

Marcus: Just be sure to soak in because after it’s over, you’re going to think about it all the time. Like, all the time.

Carey: Okay. Good to know.

Marcus: And I meant to ask, do you know if they’ve booked a musical guest for tonight?

Carey: They did. Yes.

Marcus: Okay, you’re sure?

Carey: Yes. Quite sure.

Marcus: Well, if they end up needing anyone, I’m very happy to do it.

Carey: That’s generous. But I think we’ve got it covered.

Marcus: [putting his guitar belt on] Really? I have my guitar just so–

Carey: I won’t. Thank you darling. But before we begin, I would just like to say a massive [Marcus starts playing guitar] thank you to the– Babe? Babe? Babe?

Marcus: Sorry. I thought you were giving me the signal.

Carey: What signal?

Marcus: Our secret couple signal for ‘please play the guitar’.

Carey: I’m alarmed that you think we have that. Come on, you’re being that guy who takes an acoustic guitar out at a party.

Marcus: People love that guy.

Carey: Alright. How about this? Do you remember the bit of the end of monologue where the host says the musical guest and that we have a great show and we’ll be back– [Marcus gets on the stage] Whoa!

Marcus: I do. I really do.

Carey: Okay. Would you like to play the guitar while I say that part?

Marcus: Extremely yes.

[Marcus start splaying guitar]

Carey: We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Kid Cudi is here. Stick around and we’ll be right back.

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