Elon Musk
Melissa Villaseñor
Chris Redd
Miley Cyrus
Mitchen… Mikey Day
Chad… Pete Davidson
[Starts with people having intense moment at Space-X headquarters]
Elon Musk: I came as soon as I could. What’s the situation at Mars?
Melissa: A solar storm. Biggest we’ve ever seen. It caused significant damage to the colony.
Chris: And the life support systems are down. They’re running out of air, sir.
[Cut to people at the Mars colony.]
Miley: The oxygen is dropping fast.
Elon Musk: There’s a back up O2 circulator outside of the habitat. One of them just needs to turn it on.
Melissa: The radiation levels outside are too high. It would be a suicide mission.
Mitchen: Sir, one of the colonist has volunteered. He’s on box now.
Elon Musk: So, there are still heroes in this world. Hello, who am I speaking to?
Chad: Chad!
Elon Musk: Chad, this is Elon Musk.
Chad: Who?
Elon Musk: Elon Musk. I’m in charge of the whole Mars colonization project.
Chad: Oh, congrats.
Elon Musk: Chad, I want to make sure that you understand you won’t survive this mission.
Chad: Okay.
Elon Musk: To save your fellow colonists, you have to make ultimate sacrifice.
Chad: Ha-ha, sack.
Mitchen: Chad, this is Mitchen with ground command. Make your way to the airlock and begin exit procedures.
Chad: Okay.
[Chad wears the suit and walks towards the exit door. Miley walks to him.]
Miley: Chad. Aren’t you gonna say goodbye?
Chad: Bye!
Miley: Chad, I’ll always cherish what we’ve had together.
Chad: Okay.
Miley: Oh god, I wish we could make love just one last time.
[Chad takes off his space suit]
Chad: Sick.
Miley: But we can’t.
Chad: It’s all good.
Miley: Chad, there’s something that you should know before you go. I’m pregnant.
Chad: Oh, congrats.
Miley: The baby is your’s. You’re gonna be a father chad.
Chad: No, thank you.
[Chad presses the button and the door closes]
[Chad walks outside]
Mitchen: Alright, Chad, I’m going to walk you through the procedure step by step. How do you feel?
Chad: Balls are sweaty.
Mitchen: I’m sorry to hear that. Before we turn the oxygen supply on, we need to vent the carbon dioxide. What’s the pressure reading on the tank?
[The pressure reading is 80085]
Chad: Boobs.
[disturbance]
Mitchen: Ah, you broke up a little there. But this is very important. You’ll need to pull the release lever slowly because of the pressure–
[Chad pulls out the release lever at once. It blasts and this Chad.]
Mitchen: Chad, are you alright?
Chad: All good.
[Chad walks to the circulator and presses the button]
Female voice in the colony: Oxygen levels restored.
Chris: O2 levels are climbing. He did it.
[everyone’s clapping]
Elon Musk: Make the feed public. Everyone needs to see this.
[The video of Chad is broadcasting everywhere.]
Elon Musk: Chad, the world can see you right now. Do you have anything you want to say?
Chad: [farts] Safety.
Elon Musk: Let the camera get a good look at your face, Chad. I want the world to see the man who gave everything to ensure that humanity’s future will be among the stars.
Chad: Okay
[Chad is trying to open is helmet]
Mitchen: No, no, no, don’t take your–
[Chad pulls off his helmet. His head bursts.]
Miley: Oh, damn!
Elon Musk: Well, I did say people are going to die. I was never here.
