Cinderella’s Slipper

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Reginald … Kenan Thompson

Melissa Villaseñor

Dracilla… Cecily Strong

Cinderella… Chloe Fineman

Mother… Kate McKinnon

Prince… Nick Jonas

Mouse… Aidy Bryant

[Starts with show intro]

Male voice: We now return to the conclusion of Cinderella on Disney+ which doesn’t have commercial, so I guess you just paused it.

[Cut to the show.]

Reginald: Attention, all maidens of this dwelling. Prince charming wishes to have a word.

Melissa and Dracilla: Ooh, prince charming.

Cinderella: I wonder what he wants.

Mother: Cinderella, go to your room at once. This doesn’t concern you. You’re poor.

Dracilla: Yeah. The prince is here to see us. The evil homely step sisters.

Melissa: Men don’t want a nice, pretty blonde girl. They want loud, mean freaks.

Dracilla: Cinderella doesn’t even have a unibrow.

Cinderella: Oh, that’s okay. I’ll just go talk to the birds. They’re my real friends.

Dracilla: Uh- psycho.

[Prince walks in]

Prince: No, wait. This concerns every maiden in the kingdom. You see, I’ve fallen in love. But with whom, I do not know. Perhaps she’s here now.

Cinderella: Perhaps she is.

Mother: It couldn’t be Cinderella. That’s for sure. We keep her locked in the attic.

Reginald: Okay, well, that’s a crime. When the prince comes to visit, people usually say “Hello, my lord.” Not “We got a girl in the attic”.

Mother: But even her name is gross. Cinderella. Bleh. Wouldn’t you prefer my daughter Drusella?

[Dracilla bows, but then farts]

Prince: There’s only one way to find out how my mystery love is. You see– Oh my, the smell is really just hitting me now.

Reginald: Yes. What is that?

Dracilla: Sorry. I only eat berries and raw deer meat.

Prince: You see, I spent one magical evening with this mystery woman. And she vanished at midnight. And all that was left was this. [Reginald gives Prince a glass shoe on a pillow. The shoe is too tiny.] A glass slipper.

Mother: Hah?

Prince: What?

Mother: Nothing. It looks small.

Prince: What do you mean?

Melissa: The shoe, it’s small.

Prince: I think it’s a pretty standard women’s shoe.

Dracilla: You serious? It’s like a Monopoly token.

Prince: Huh, yeah. I guess my perspective was off because it’s sitting on a pillow. You think it’s like, a child’s shoe?

Dracilla: No. But I don’t love how casually you asked that.

Mother: It’s way too small for a child. Maybe even too small for doll. You really didn’t clock the shoe as weird at all?

Prince: But it’s glass. I thought that was weird. Reginald, is this shoe odd to you?

Reginald: I mean, I didn’t think it was my place to come in, but that shoe tiny as hell. I’m a foot man in more ways than one, but even for me, that’s a freaky little shoe.

Cinderella: Well, my feet are pretty small. They didn’t feed me enough to go through puberty.

Reginald: Yeah. But I don’t think you could even get one of your toes in this thing.

Prince: So then, who has a foot this small?

[a mouse appears]

Mouse: I does.

Prince: I’m sorry?

Mouse: I does!

Prince: The shoe is yours?

Mouse: Oh, it definitely does.

Cinderella: Oh, hurray, mouse Selina. This is wonderful news. You found your prince charming.

Mouse: Yup, I guess I does.

Mother: Dude, you banged a mouse?

Prince: What? No. We didn’t bang. I mean, we didn’t do anything. And she wasn’t a mouse. She was a human woman.

Mouse: Um, no. It was mouse. And mouse went all the way. Yeah, he dunked me in a glass of champaign and I was ready to rock.

Prince: No. No. I remember it was a woman and she ran away and her carriage turned into a pumpkin.

Mouse: Dude, I don’t know what drugs you’re on but it definitely didn’t affect your performance at all. I mean, you’d think this prince was a construction worker the way he was jack hammering.

Prince: Reginald, did I really? With a mouse? Why didn’t you stop me?

Reginald: Ay, I don’t judge. Love is love is love. You don’t think Jafar ever sprinkled some bird seed down there and let Iago go to town?

Prince: What?

Reginald: I don’t know, man. This is the stuff I’ve been thinking about.

Mouse: Oh, relax, prince. I’m totally cool. I’ll have the baby, no problemo. [showing her pregnant stomach]

Prince: Oh my god!

Mouse: It’s okay. It’s probably more like, 12 babies, but don’t worry. I’ll eat a couple of them.

Dracilla: Wait, that means those rat babies will be princes someday.

Melissa: And if we marry them, we’ll be princesses.

Dracilla: Yeah, everything’s coming up Drucilla. [farts again]

Mouse: [singing] Salacan-doo-la
Michigan-boo-la
bibidy-babidy-boo
The prince found out he boned the mouse
when he found my tiny shoe

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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