Beck Bennett
Regé-Jean Page
Mikey day
Pete Davidson
Alex Moffat
Kenan Thompson
Bowen Yang
Old Man… Kate McKinnon
[Starts with a bunch of guys on a nine-ball pool table]Beck: Alright, 50 bucks says I kick Bobby’s ass.
Rege: Hey, you tryna hustle me?
Mikey: Shut up and break em’, will ya?
Beck: I’ll break you first. How about that?
Rege: Hey, easy boys, I’ll take all your money by the end of the night. Just let me play my song first.
[Rege plays the song “Driver’s license” on the jukebox]Beck: Alright. Nine ball, corner pocket. Watch me. [listening to the song] Wait, what am I listening to?
Rege: “Driver’s license” by Olivia Rodrigo.
Pete: Sounds like it’s just some teen girl singing in a room to a piano
Rege: And that’s the beauty of it. You got a problem?
Mikey: What’s this song even about?
Beck: I guess it’s about a girl getting a driver’s license, but it’s bitter sweet because it’s something she and her ex always talked about. That’s what I guess, based on hearing it for the first time right now.
Alex: Yeah, sure, sure. I mean, if you want to get all literal. But, I mean I think I overheard on the news or something that it’s actually about the kids from High School musical. I don’t know.
Pete: Oh, who? Vanessa Hudgens? Zac Efron? Sharpay? That whole crew?
Rege: No, man. High School musical, the series. Olivia wrote about Joshua Bassett who is allegedly now with Sabrina Carpenter. Listen, man.
Song: I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay now that I’m gone
Kenan: She’s got a healthy belt.
Beck and Rege: [singing, holding the pool stick like a mic] Guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me
Bowen: [standing in the corner being emotional] ‘Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street
Rege: Okay, so I’m not the only one.
Beck: It’s like she ripped the page out of my diary. I mean notebook. I mean plain brown letter. I can’t read or write.
Old man in the corner: I got my license AlexAlex years ago. Why is this hitting me so hard?
Alex: Okay, look. I don’t want to say nothing too controversial, you know, but this is giving me Billy Eillish vibes.
Pete: Yeah, yeah, but the verses are, sorry to say, Taylor?
Rege: I mean obviously it’s Taylor Swift. Taylor’s the root. It’s also pure Olivia, man.
Mikey: [sobbing] It’s pure. That’s for sure.
Alex: Oh dude, are you crying?
Mikey: Nah, it’s just– It almost got me thinking about my breakup. Like, maybe I am Olivia and my bitch ex, Gina, is Joshua Bassett. And Sabrina Carpenter, like, that’s that bastard, Enzo, from the garage.
Rege: Ayo, bro! If Olivia taught us anything, it’s that pain can be creatively generative, man.
Kenan: Yeah. Like, remember when I lost 50 Gs on the Giants? That gave me half of my poems.
Pete: I said it once, I’ll say it again. Taylor.
Rege: Yeah. But Taylor shifted away from autobiographical and now she’s in the pocket creatively. Look at folklore, man. Ultimately, she’s a freaking storyteller.
Pete: Yeah, but I still feel as Taylor. You got a problem?
Rege: With you being purposely reductive, yeah, i got a problem.
Old man in the corner: Boys, boys! Open your hearts and listen. We’re about to get the bridge of our lives.
[everyone in one line singing]All: Red lights, stop signs
I still see your face in the white cars, front yards
Can’t drive past the places we used to go to
Mikey: ‘Cause I still fuckin’ love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
All: It’s alright man.
Alex: Let it out.
Old man in the corner: I need to hear that freakin bridge again.
All: Yeah!
[singing] Red lights, stop signsI still see your face in the white cars, front yards
