Mikey Day
Ego Nwodim
Nurse… Melissa Villaseñor
Kate McKinnon
Bowen Yang
Heidi Gardner
Doctor… Elon Musk
[Starts with show intro]Male voice: We now return to the thrilling conclusion of Gen Z Hospital.
[Cut to three people waiting in a hospital]Mikey: Well, nobody’s telling us anything, is bestie going to be okay?
Ego: Nurse, we demand to know how our bestie is doing.
[nurse is wearing pink outfit and she had her hair dyed pink]Nurse: I’m sorry, bro, I told you I don’t have that information yet.
Kate: Bro, seriously?
Bowen: I’m so pressed right now, bro.
Nurse: Don’t be pressed. Doctor will be in shortly, bro. Dead ass.
Heidi: Yo! If this doctor keeps leaving us on red, he’s going to catch hands on gang.
Ego: Na, na, it’s gonna be okay. Bestie cannot die like this.
Mikey: Big facts. She’s gonna make it, bro.
Kate: There’s the doctor now.
[doctor walks out]Doctor: Is this Mogan’s squad?
Bowen: Gang, gang.
Kate: Doctor, please tell us what’s up with our bestie?
Doctor: You all might wanna sit down. What I have to say right now would be a little cringe.
Heidi: Just give us the tea.
Doctor: Okay. Well, as you may have seen it on our live, your bestie took a major L while driving her hellcat.
Bowen: Yeah, we saw.
Doctor: We tried everything we could in surgery and it was a sus for a while. But we have your bestie on our machine and we’re doing everything we can.
Kate: So, bestie is going to be okay, right?
Doctor: I’m sorry, but at this particular time, that’s looking like cap.
Mikey: Bro!
Heidi: Bro, can we see her?
Doctor: Unfortunately, not right now, bro. You know the vibes. But I promise if anything changes, I’ll pull up.
Mikey: Say less, bro.
Ego: And thank you, doctor. You a real one.
Kate: We stan you.
Doctor: And I stan you. I can only imagine the feels you’re going through right now. if you’ll excuse me.
Mikey: Bro! I’m extra salty right now. How could bestie be so irresponsible?
Bowen: Yo, millions of people flip their hellcat on live everyday cuh!
Ego: Yeah, you know that could have happened to anyone in the game.
Ego: I know, but when it’s bestie, it just hits different.
Mikey: Yeah, specially since bestie is my mom.
Bowen: Yo, she’s not just your mom.
Heidi: She is all our work moms.
Kate: Exactly. But please, go off, king.
Mikey: But she’s actually my mother, bro. So, it’s like a little different.
Ego: High key, it’s not though.
Bowen: Yeah. Take several seats respectfully, flaw!
Kate: Look, the doctor’s coming back in.
Doctor: Hey guys, so, big yikes. While I was out here trumping up with you, your bestie took a turn for the worst.
Mikey: Bro!
Heidi: You capping!
Doctor: Unfortunately, no cap. She’s literally dead right now.
Kate: So, she’s laughing?
Bowen: That’s good news.
Doctor: No. I mean she’s literally dead. Dead dead.
All: Bro!
Bowen: I pretend I do not hear it.
Heidi: Bro! I am so done right now!
Mikey: I am so dead that she is dead. Can we see her?
Doctor: Of course, but please, try not to get all extra. Sis?
[Nurse walks in with an urn]Mikey: Bro, you already cremated her?
Doctor: No, this is empty.
Nurse: This just looks way better for the gram than a dead body.
Kate: That urn is really iconic.
Bowen: Fire.
Doctor: Take all the time you need.
[Doctor passes the urn to Mikey]Mikey: Thanks, bro. I guess we should all say something, right? It’s the unconditional support and being a great mom for me.
Bowen: It’s the having 200,000 followers for me.
Kate: It’s the always doing donuts in your hellcat for me.
Heidi: It’s letting NBA Young Boy smasher all-star weekend for me.
Ego: It’s the “always bringing back henny from vacation” for me.
Doctor: Well, I don’t know. But it’s “I have full coverage” for me.
Mikey: That was beautiful, doctor bro. Alright, let’s get a pic. Come on. Crowd in.
[They all take a group selfie.]
Thank you.