Karaoke AllStars

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Misty… Chloe Fineman

Rob… Kenan Thompson

Bowen Yang

Ego Nwodim

Neal… Pete Davidson

Finance Guy… Simu Liu

[Starts with channel intro]

Male voice: You’re watching Wilmington Cable Access. Up next is Karaoke Recap.

[Cut to Karaoke Recap show. Misty and Rob are at the bar singing and dancing.]

Misty: [singing] I found you miss new booty
get it together and bring it back to me.
Whoo!

Hello. Wow, welcome to karaoke recap here at Bixbie’s Bar and Grill in Wilmington, North Carolina.

Rob: Yes, thank you for coming to my bar. It’s been a long week of drunken singing.

Misty: And we’re just going to show you some of the highlights. Some of y’all sounded like a regular Jesse Timbre-cake. I’m your host, Mr. Barefoot, along with Bixbie’s owner Rob, who has an announcement.

Rob: Oh, yeah. Just a reminder. This equipment is rented. Karaoke rule number one, you must respect the microphone. Do not tap the mic. Do not swing the mic. If you drop the mic, I will drop you.

Misty: Thank you, baby. Now it’s time for our favorite segment, karaoke all stars where we look back at the week’s most special performances.

Rob: Let’s start with our bad choice all stars. These are folks who just picked the wrong song.

Misty: First up, Guy who was doing great until the high notes came in.

[Cut to Bowen singing]

Bowen: [singing] take on me oh no

[he sings worse with high notes]

take me up, help me
I’ll be gone

Rob: Let’s not forget woman who’s been overserved singing “Su Soppa Layla”.

Ego: [singing] Su Soppa Layla
Su Soppa Layla
Su Soppa Layla
Su mama mayja

Rob: Isn’t that a little loose with that Mike? If it breaks I gotta go to get a new one from Radio Shack. You know how hard it is to find a Radio Shack these days? A store whose number one seller is wires?

Misty: Oh, Rob. Your little grumpy. Alright, our next Karoake all star is someone who comes here by himself and always does the same song. It’s mad world by Neal, the quite guy in the hoodie.

Neal: [singing very bad] All around me are familiar faces
worn out places
worn out faces

Misty: You know, I gotta be honest, that guy’s given off real Columbine vibes.

Rob: Alright. Let’s keep going with our next All Star, guy who must have chosen the wrong song. But wait a second.

Chris: Yo yo, yo, check it
must know the beat y’all
Y’all know what it is, ha-ha-ha

[singing bad] Since you’ve been gone
I can’t breathe for the first time

Misty: Um, man. He was so talented. Man, he was better than Justin Bubay.

Rob: Justin?

Misty: Bubay. You know him? He’s sung that “Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy”.

Rob: Oh, Justin Bieber. Misty, I love you but you’re starting to worry me. Let’s move on to tonight’s cringe all stars.

Misty: Oh, these are the rough ones. Okay. First we have couple who thought it’d be fun to sing like Homer and Marge Simpson.

[Cut to a couple singing line Homer Simpson and Marge Simpson.]

Rob: It’s not really music. It’s not really music. It’s not really comedy. It’s basically nothing. Speaking of nothing, our next all stars are two German tourists trying their best.

[a couple singing in German accent]

Misty: Yeah. I don’t know what they said but I did like her energy. I did.

Rob: Our next cringe all star comes here every weekend straight from the office. It’s finance bro trying to get laid.

Finance Guy: What’s up? This one’s dedicated to all the ladies in the house. I don’t like the song, but I know you do.

[singing] You are my fire
the one desire
believe I make a lot of money, when I say
I began the dogecoin, I want it that way
tell me why…

Misty: I’m gonna say it makes me regret sleeping with him those seven times.

Rob: Alright, time to look back at our cringy all stars, my Pony by Ginuwine sung by a father and daughter.

[Cut to a father and daughter singing]

Daughter: If you’re horny, let’s do it 

Father: Ride it, my pony

Daughter: You’re doing great, dad.

Father: You too, hun.

Rob: Yeah. Um, you can’t unsee that.

Misty: No you can’t. No you can’t. Alright, time for our final karaoke all star. It’s girl who claims her friend signed her up but we all know the truth.

[Cecily walks in acting shy]

Cecily: Jessica? No. Who put my name in? You guys. I don’t even know what song you picked. Are you serious? Jessica? What–

[suddenly begins to sing]

And I will always love you

Jessica, seriously?

Rob: Well, that’s it. That’s it for this week’s karaoke recap. Take us out Misty.

Misty: [singing] I found you miss new booty
get it together and bring it back to me.

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