Keegan-Michael Key Monologue

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Keegan-Michael Key

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Keegan-Michael Key.

[Keegan-Michael Key walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Keegan-Michael Key: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, wow. Man, this has been an incredible week, folks. Masks are coming off. What? Life is getting back to normal. And I am hosting SNL. What? I have been a super fan of this show ever since I was a little kid. I grew up a block south of 8-mile road in Detroit and I used to sneak down stairs to watch SNL every week. And if you had told that kid that one day he would be standing here on this stage, he’d probably would have been too busy stealing your wallet to have heard what you said, but I’e come a long way since then and I am so honored to be here. And because of that, I am going to make the most of it.

[music playing] [singing] I’m going to do it all tonight
every single SNL thing tonight
sketches and voices and song tonight
like the one I’m singing now

Oh, costume change.

[he pulls out his outfit, but inside, he’s wearing the same thing.]

Right? I mean, I know. It’s the same outfit but come on, it’s a really great tuxedo.

[singing]

I’m going to have a blast tonight
kiss every member of the cast tonight

and thins will be complete tonight
till I get a tattoo from Pete tonight.

[Pete Davidson walks in]

Pete: Alright. I’m ready, man. Take your pants off.

Keegan-Michael Key: What? Maybe we’ll do that after the show.

Pete: Ah! That’s what Elon said, man.

Keegan-Michael Key: [singing] I’m going to go for broke tonight
really hope that I don’t choke tonight
but if I do it’s okay tonight
because I’m still getting paid.

[Cecily Strong walks in]

Cecily: Hey, Keegan.

Keegan-Michael Key: Cecily! I am so glad you’re here. I was so worried they were going to send some big celebrity to help me with my monologue.

Cecily: No. Just me. I just came out to say we got a ton of shows. So, maybe just jump to the finale?

Keegan-Michael Key: Oh. Okay. Yes.

[singing] Interesting idea
Thanks for the suggestion
but what if instead I let the audience ask me a question?

Yes, you sir.

Guy: Hi, big fan. What was it like winning an Oscar for “Get Out”?

Keegan-Michael Key: Oh! So close. Yes. Try again.

Guy: Who is your favorite cast member?

Keegan-Michael Key: Oh, that’s good.

[Kenan Thompson walks in]

Kenan: Oh! Are my ears burning?

Keegan-Michael Key: Wow, Kenan. Are you joining me to sing a verse?

Kenan: Actually, no. I just wanted to stand next to you so that everybody can see that we are two different people. And we have two different names.

Keegan-Michael Key: Yes. That is true. I am Keegan with a G.

Kenan: Yes. And I am Kenan with an N, as in Kenan has been in S-N-L or many, many years.

Keegan-Michael Key: So, now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s bring it home.

[Cecily Strong walks in]

Kenan and Cecily: [singing] He’s going to do it all tonight

sketches and voices and songs tonight

Keegan-Michael Key: [singing] Nothing can possibly go wrong tonight

All: Coz everything’s coming up, Keegan
now let’s start the show

Keegan-Michael Key: We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Olivia Rodrigo is here. Stick around and we’ll be right back.

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